hcdaniel93 2 / 2 Sep 29, 2011 #1Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.I live in San Jose and when I moved here in sixth grade, I could feel a warm, educational,and safe learning envivornment. I was oblivious to the corruption around me. I was a naïvemiddle schooler not suspecting that the people around me use or have been exposed to drugs.But as I grew up I started noticing things. I noticed many students coming to school with bloodshot eyes and a sway in their step. I noticed kids bringing brownies and other baked goods thatthose kids normally would not bother baking. I realized then that my school was full of drugaddicts and alcaholics. Originally I have witnessed some students smoking openly in the parkbut there never were many students. Now I see that a vast majority of students use or havebeen offered drugs. I have been recently offered drugs such as beer and chewing tobbaco, butunlike many curious highschoolers, I was quick to refuse. Because of my lack of experience withdrugs, I had no interest in trying them. These offers to do drugs and my refusal to do themshowed me that it was good that I had grown up not exposed and oblivious to drugs. This led tomy lack of inerest in drugs and I realize that drugs will not be an issue in the future. If I am ableto refuse drugs as a highschooler, when I am at the peak of my curiosity, I will definatly nothave a problem refusing drugs when I am older and more responsible.
trishhha 8 / 23 Sep 29, 2011 #2check your spelling errors! alcoholics* and definitely*also, try to incorporate a specific story of one of those instances. colleges like anecdotes so maybe you can go more into detail about one of those instances where you were first in a situation such as seeing someone openly involved in drugs. Also, show its impact on you rather than stating that you will not fall under the influence.Goodluck!
hixtine 4 / 9 Oct 1, 2011 #3I live in San Jose and when I moved here in sixth grade, I could feel a warm, educational,and safe learning environment.This sentence can be tightened.Consider sentence variations, a lot of your sentences begin with "I".I agree with trishha about a specific story. Also, it might help to tie it to a bigger picture such as: how has refusing drugs impacted you as a person, how can you use your experiences to help others?