The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals. (400-650 words)
This is my UPENN essay, can you guys tell me how it is? Be as critical as possible!
"Climate change is the change in Earth's temperatures due to the increased amount of greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere"
To most people, this is just the basic definition of one of the most controversial topics in the world; but to me, it is much more than that. This was a line I repeated, what felt to be, ten billion times, while I was practicing for my presentation for for the Southern Arizona Regional Science and Engineering Fair (SARSEF). It was fourth grade and I had won the school wide science fair competition at my elementary school for conducting an experiment to test the effects of increasing the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. I had produced a model of the Earth's atmosphere in two transparent containers. In one of them, I concealed just oxygen from the atmosphere, while in the other, I trapped carbon dioxide from my dad's car. I did not make it to the next round in the competition, but this basic experiment changed my life. This experience was the gateway to my everlasting passion for researching about climate change.
My interest for climate change continued to grow as I grew older; I religiously followed the climate summit that took place in Copenhagen, read numerous articles and periodically kept up with the news. I made it very clear that I wanted to pursue a career in this field but everyone repeatedly told me that I have to be a doctor or an engineer because there are no suitable careers in this field. At one point, I dejectedly accepted defeat and forgot about my dream of work in the environmental science field.
However, University of Pennsylvania helped me realize that everyone was wrong, I could indeed further my education in climate change research. In ninth grade, I came across an article talking about how students from UPenn went to Mongolia to do research about climate change. This article helped me prove to my parents that there are students at prestigious universities studying topics that I am keenly passionate about. From that moment on, University of Pennsylvania became my dream school.
That article also sparked my interest in studying abroad so I did some research and learned that UPenn also has an amazing abroad program. During the summer before my junior year of high school, I went on a volunteer trip to Jamaica which was an amazing experience. We volunteered at a local elementary school, built them a playground and painted a community center. We also went up to the mountains and visited an eco-village where everything the people do is eco-friendly. They compost everything, grow their own foods, conserve their energy as much as they possibly can. It is environmentally ideal. I had no idea that people actually lived in these sort of environments and found it to be captivating. I want to implement these practices in the United States, in the future. The trip was definitely an eye opening experience and I hope that it will not be my last. I believe that at Penn, I can combine these two interests and travel to a foreign country where I can conduct research on climate change.
Mashaba, I can't really comment on your essay because it is lacking a critical factor. You have not supplied us with the essay prompt. The prompt will help us analyze and review your essay for response validity. At the moment, I am not sure if the essay you wrote is relevant to the prompt and if it falls within the parameters that are necessary for its response. Kindly provide the guide prompt to us as soon as possible so that we can further assist you with your review requirements. It will be quite difficult to help you without it.
The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals. (400-650 words)
Thanks for the speedy uploading of the prompt Mashaba. Having reviewed the essay again, based upon the prompt requirements, I can safely say that you have answered all of the salient points and offered enough relevant examples and activities that relate to your field of interest. I was just wondering though, would it be possible for you to specify the definite department or college of study that you wish to go into? It just seems to be an important piece of the essay that is not currently present. Good work on the essay just the same. It is really quite informative and revealing in the sense of your career interest development.
