llsds 1 / - Jan 6, 2011 #1so i'm really horrible at writing. i did total crap for the SAT's and even for the FCAT writes. I need major help. to be honest, I think I do good if I can even finish an essay in class.i need to outline my major musical goals for this essay and this is what i have so farI want to be a professional bass trombone player for my career. I want to one day be able to play in a major symphony or maybe record for a movie or even a television show. I want to be able to listen to a soundtrack, hear an amazing bass trombone sound and be able to say "yep, that's me!" to all my friends and family who watched the movie or listened to the soundtrack.During my time as a professional musician, I would like to be a university professor and try to make each player better than I was and hopefully be able to see them as a better performer than I was. I want to be able to make a difference in the musical world even if it's just a small one.some pointers on what to add or how expand what i already have would be seriously helpful. thanks!
em2always 15 / 79 Jan 6, 2011 #2think I do good if I can even ----i think i can do WELL ---the root of your problem stems hereyour first para u reapet "i want" too much...if it is for effect then make it mroe bold.During my time as a professional musician, I would like to be a university professor and try to make each player better than I was and hopefully be able to see them as a better performer than I was. I want to be able to make a difference in the musical world even if it's just a small one.-----the first sentence is WAY to long and winded. the second sentence is clichefix. refine. say somthing of importanceplease check out my essay on leadership if you have time
