I'm not a very good writer and will need some help editing/shortening.
Firstly, please tell me if this is the sort of essay i should be writing for this prompt.
Also some help with the punctuations would be appreciated.
Prompt: Describe how your Purdue education would support the attainment of your personal and/or professional goals.
"What do you want to do when you grow up?", that is a question I often answered with a shrug and an "I don't Know". As I entered middle school I had dreams of becoming an architect. I always had this love of architecture and design.
In my final year this evolved. When I thought about the future I no longer saw myself as just an architect. I still liked the idea of architecture and design but wanted something much more technical than that. As my final exams approached, it was obvious to me that the only aspects of architecture that interested me were those that were very closely tied to engineering. I realized that I wanted more time to figure out how exactly I wanted to steer my future studies and career. The universities in India do not offer a General Studies type program, and it is difficult to transfer to different colleges without starting from the beginning. Not wanting to waste time and effort heading in a direction that I did not have an interest in, I decided to invest some time to properly research the various choices available within India and my options abroad.
After my exams the dilemma continued. In addition to engineering, my interests varied from psychiatry to economics. I had almost decided to take up Civil Engineering, but was not completely convinced.
The FIFA World Cup was held in June. After a new found interest in football , or soccer as it's called in the United States, I enthusiastically watched all the late night fixtures. After a match one night, while browsing the channels, I came across a program on The National Geographic Channel that talked about how the Capital Gate building in Abu Dhabi was built. The entire process from conception of the idea to designing and finally completing construction fascinated me.
From then on I always tried to watch that show.
The structural engineers explained how they tackled several obstacles that they had to face to stay true to the architects' vision of the building. I didn't know the level of originality a civil engineer required. From the slanting of the central core of the Capital Gate building to make sure the core does not break to the inclusion of the tuned mass damper sphere in the Taipei 101; the level of ingenuity required got me interested. I knew then that I wanted to be a structural engineer. The thought of the challenges I might face and the ideas I might come up with strengthens my desire to pursue Structural Engineering. The first time I saw a picture of the aerial view of the completed Burj Khalifa in Dubai it mesmerised me. To be a part of the great construction projects of the future is my goal, and I am determined to achieve it.
As I considered my college options, Purdue University made top of my list. It's ranking among the top 5 schools for Civil Engineering made it an obvious choice. The flexible curriculum would allow me to concentrate on a speciality of my choice. The reputed faculty and the lab intensive curriculum further adds to Purdue's appeal. The large international community at Purdue suggests that being exposed to a large variety of cultures is possible and that it is a welcoming place for an international student. Purdue University is where I would like to start my professional journey by majoring in Civil Engineering.
- When I thought about the future I no longer saw myself as just an architect.
- I decided to take up civil engineering , but
- As I considered my college options, Purdue University
- Make sure you capitalize all your I's
So the way ive written this essay is fine? I wasn't sure if this was the kind of essay i should write.
Does anyone have any suggestions or comments? Did I answer the prompt? Any input would be greatly appreciated.
And thank you, Jake776
You are doing very well!
...always had this love of architecture and buildings. (Right here, add a sentence that foreshadows the conclusion of the essay... a sentence about the characteristics of the work you want to do. End this first paragraph with a sentence that lists a few specific attributes you want your work to include.
It's nice that you let the reader get a glimpse of your decision process.
To improve the essay, google this: how to write good topic sentences.
A paragraph should probably not start with a sentence like this: I didn't know the level of originality a civil engineer required. --It does not carry enough meaning. The first sentence of a paragraph should express the main idea of the paragraph, so that a 5 paragraph essay consists of 5 main ideas.
:-)
Thanks Kevin. I'd actually already submitted my essay about 2 weeks back. made a few changes
