WHY ARE YOU CONSIDERING OHIO STATE?
I'm considering Ohio State University for several reasons. First of all, after visiting the campus, with some people who'd actually signed up for the tour, I just fell in love with it. Even treading through the rain with squishy shoes and pants wet all the way up to my knees couldn't distract me from noticing the wonderful atmosphere of OSU. The tour guides I had that day seemed genuinely honest and enthusiastic when they talked about how great it was to be a student at OSU and I want to experience the type of college life that they described.
I wasn't even considering OSU before I visited the campus. I'm from a small town, well actually it's still considered a village, and OSU sounded too big to me. I was afraid I'd get lost in the crowd and not like the idea of even living somewhere so different than my hometown. Oddly enough I felt more at home at OSU than I had at any other university I've visited and I just had a sense of belonging there.
All of the activities OSU has to offer their students is another big reason I want to attend college there. There are so many things to choose from giving me the opportunity to try tons of new things. Another reason is because the staff was so helpful when I visited, I know that when I'm a student I can turn to them and get great help. The professors also sound like they do their jobs to the best of their abilities and if a student asks for help they're more than willing to lend a hand, because they want to see their students succeed. OSU offers the type of college experience I want, making it my top choice of colleges to attend.
"I was not even considering OSU before I visited the campus"
wrong use of tense. it should be "I had never even considered OSU before I visited the campus'
anyway, this sounds like you look down on the school. I know you dont mean that, but it seems to give that impression..
This could be a little more intellectual. How about some professors from whom you'd like to learn about your favorite subjects. Maybe one of them has written some articles you have read. Present yourself as someone who is ready to jump into life as a serious scholar.
Us a comma whenever you have a compound sentence like this:
The tour guides I had that day seemed genuinely honest and enthusiastic when they talked about how great it was to be a student at OSU, and I want to experience the type of college life that they described.
Avoid contractions:
First of all, after visiting the campus, with some people who'd actually signed up for the tour...
I was afraid I'd get lost in the crowd and not like the idea of even living somewhere so different than (from) my hometown. Oddly enough, I felt more at home at OSU than I had at any other university I've visited, and I just had a sense of belonging there.
All of the activities OSU has to offer their students is another big reason I want to attend college there. - make sure your subjects and verbs agree. Activities is plural, so your verb should be are. The sentence should sound like "The activities OSU has to offer their students are also reasons..."
There are so many things to choose from, giving me the opportunity to try tons of new things.
Avoid using because. Try. "The helpfulness of the staff is was very inviting.
Another reason is because the staff was so helpful when I visited...
Your essay just seems like a list of reasons. Aside from hearing how great it is, the university also wants to know why you have you have chosen it in regardof your major. Add something about how you feel that OSU will provide you with the skills necessary to pursue your career.
I hope this helped!!! Go Buckeyes!
Thank you everyone for all of your input.
