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Programming and designing graphics, seven-sentence paragraph about my career goals


Zubaida 18 / 34  
Jul 4, 2010   #1
I have to write a brief paragraph (between 5 and 7 sentences) describing my career goals.
Here is my paragraph:

I'm so passionate about programming and designing graphics. First, I would get a strong scholar background in this field by completing my bachelor degree in computer science at UOFA. This will make me more familiar with programs such as Swish Max, Photoshop and, the Gold Wave. Moreover, I will learn more to be competent of dealing professionally with new programs involving 3D programs and designing websites programs which will give me a chance to achieve another goal; designing a website for my institute at Makka. Finally, I hope that my goals will be real in the future as I am still having the strong desire and determination with hard effort.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 6, 2010   #2
I feel passionate about...--- I don't think you need to include the word "so."

You can use a colon here:
...me a chance to achieve another goal: designing a website for my institute at Makka.''

And at the end, say you want to 'realize your goals.'

:-)

The smart thing about your essay is that it enables the reader to see that you have specific interests in various aspects of this kind of work. Still, you could go a little deeper and discuss some of the newest technologies and ways they could be used in the near future.


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