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Project Excite/Pizza/Flag Day - 3 very short community service descriptions


ckpckp1994 8 / 17 2  
Nov 12, 2011   #1
Prompt: Please explain your experience.

Community Service (1) :

The third graders and I counted with our heads going up and down, paralleling with the weight's movement on the spring. One. Two. Three. Four. ... Ten. Eleven! "It's eleven!" Rushed to the desk, the kids drew the Arabic number "12" on the data table that I provided in advance. As a mentor in Project Excite!, I accomplished the goal - help them to finish the physics experiment, and have "phun".

Community Service (2):

I've ordered pizza. I've called Ms. Reed. I've set the stage. I've arranged the schedule. The competition "Music in the Park" happens in no time. Other volunteers and I are ready for 40 armies of orchestras cracking through the door to check-in with Ms. Reed. We know who are the mad directors. We know how messy it gets when 600 musicians stuck in one place. We...

"They are here!"
Let's do this.

Community Service (3):

"Today is Flag Day. Would you like to donate, sir?"
He reached the pocket for the wallet, and took out a coin. I extended my donation bag to him. He carefully dropped the coin into the bag. I then put a sticker on his jacket for appreciation. We boy scouts have a large involvement on Flag Days. Volunteers on that day carry bags to collect donations and give donors stickers.

Thanks
Bgracia2 2 / 4  
Nov 12, 2011   #2
I think your community service descriptions are great, however, consider including how each affected you, what you learned from them, or what you experienced personally from each. Make sure to explain each briefly along with each description.
OP ckpckp1994 8 / 17 2  
Nov 22, 2011   #3
I would happy to receive more input and comments. Can someone close read and then criticize these descriptions harshly for me please?
OP ckpckp1994 8 / 17 2  
Dec 1, 2011   #4
I know I'm annoying. Sorry about that. But once again, I would happy to receive more input and comments. Can someone close read and then criticize these descriptions harshly for me please?
Sabers011 1 / 2  
Dec 1, 2011   #5
You still need to lengthen your statements still explaining on HOW they are going to affect you or affected you as a person. As such, "this is going to help me because it will give me the people skills needed while in _____." something a little more down that line but not as short and cheezy
snuggie 1 / 1  
Dec 19, 2011   #6
I agree with Sabers. It seems like you have some great experiences, so it would be a good idea to elaborate on them a little more so that everyone can understand how they relate to/affect YOU.
lifeisgoing1 3 / 7  
Dec 31, 2011   #7
I have always preferred to avoid contractions when writing essays...
I've -> I have, and so forth.
Is the prompt simply "Please explain your experience."?
I can't determine if the topic wants you to elaborate on your experience or not..


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