Thanks for taking time to read this. I would apprciate your harsh review!
Almost everyone centers on business, and people who don't usually suffer. Business transforms the world with irresistible power, from food, clothes, entertainment to technology, transportation, and politics. Interestingly, the diversity of regions provides different business models. Hence we must alter the strategy accordingly.
For example, China has a disparate context comparing to that of the West. People depend on GuanXi(a special relationship tied people together) to win a deal instead of on thorough analyse, or accurate data.The decision makers, especially that of private enterprises, choose their partner regarding to personal preference than to the company's interests as a whole. In a larger sense, our business runs largely with emotion and guts feeling rather than with careful estimate and scientific system.
Living in the most developed city in western China, Chengdu, I feel the enormous hunger from the market to seek material satisfaction from companies all the time. However, without an effective method, most companies are unable to meet the need under a loose economic structure. So it seems to me that I must learn from the more developed country the innovative method to solve practical solutions to issues which currently seem sort of cut and dry.
Problems are emergent amid the trade globalization, such as how to keep the economy continuely grows, how to balance the development among different regions. We should face up to thoses, instead of fooling ourselves with short-lived prosperity which was attained by sacrificing the environment and cheap labor or blowing pompous bubbles.
I believe that studying in university where has the most diverse background and vigorous academic atmosphere could provide me insight on those social economic problem. My theme of academic learning would be applying the cutting edged theory to real cases, because it is exactly what I would do in rest of my life, and, ultimately wield power to the world economy, the well-being of people.
To me, your essay is good but a bit hard to follow and it is hard to pick out the main points. It is a little past my bedtime though so that might be my fault.
I have a few suggestions.
"Hence, we must alter the strategy accordingly."
"So, it seems to me that I must learn from the more developed country the innovative method to solve practical solutions to issues which currently seem sort of cut and dry."
Also, do not use contractions (don't, can't, etc.) in college essays.
"Almost everyone centers on business, and people who do not usually suffer."
Hope I helped.
Good luck!
Hey, I'm also applying to NYU for business and I like your essay but i don't really think it covers the prompt fully. Maybe you could add some programs, or classes, or just mention NYU quickly.
I like the ideas you portray in your writing, I can get the jists of them and of your vision but I think the way you describe them could be a little better. Like mysled i'm pretty tired so thats all i've got so far.
I'll log in tomorrow and add more corrections. Hope I helped and please, help me with mine!
