So heres my essay about the world I come from and how they have affected my dreams and aspirations. I'm truly open to and appreciative of any criticism, as long as they are intended to help of course.
My conclusion is definitely not completed, so if anyone could help me out, whether it be with the conclusion or any part of the essay, that would be greatly appreciated.
The snow hailed down on our windows, and, even with the heater on, my parents and I wore layers of clothing to protect ourselves from the harsh winter storm. In traditional Korean fashion, my mom had prepared an array of dishes that looked more like a gallery of culinary collectibles than a Christmas Eve dinner. As we dug into our food, my dad received an untimely phone call from my uncle, asking him to refill the cash register at our motel. My father gave a sad look to my mom, knowing that he would have to leave yet another dinner, and my mom grudgingly looked back, understanding that his presence was needed at work. I asked my father, "Isn't there anyone else who can go fill the register?" As he put on his parka, he simply replied, "I'm afraid not; I just don't know enough people in this city".
My father ran a small motel in Anchorage, Alaska that was managed by a full Korean staff comprised of friends and family. In a city twice the size of Orange County but with a population of only 200,000, my father ran a business based upon close, personal relationships. He foresaw the entire motel, including finances, taxes, and complaints, and interacted with his clients solely on a one-on-one basis. My dad never used emails, yet alone a cell phone, and the limited friends he knew in the city forced him to work ten-hour weekdays that often interrupted our dinners. Although my dad's commitment had a toll on our family, his dedication at work won the respect of his peers and customers, and, despite a sharp decline in Anchorage's tourism in the mid 90's, our motel survived. I learned from my father that the personal nature of his business ultimately anchored our motel, and that the success of my father was a result of his compassion and consideration.
As my father's business began to expand, his dream of moving to California became a reality. Ironically, he sold the motel as soon as the move seemed realistic, and by junior high I was living in Orange County, where the sunshine lived longer than six hours a day. As our lifestyles began to change, his exhausting schedule also lightened. A CPA managed our taxes, lawyers handled our property disagreements, and advisors supervised our monthly finances. With his workload less of a burden, he was able to invest in multiple new commercial properties and help my mom open up her own restaurant. Living in Alaska had taught me to create close relationships with clients, but living in California taught me the importance of efficiently handling business matters while diversifying one's interests.
As I prepare myself to enter the world of college, I carry the ambitions of my father to pursue my own dreams of creating a business. From the intimate relationships my father developed in Alaska and the commercial properties he expanded on in California, I plan on integrating his personal yet diverse business approach to become an innovate businessman. By investing and diversifying my time in multiple business courses, local internships and research opportunities while building new relationships with my fellow classmates, I will take the initiative to craft my own business, a way my father would be proud of.
Your grammar and spelling are sound. I think that you chose a good subject to write about! However, I think that you should talk more about yourself since the majority of the essay is centered on your dad. Maybe you can include some examples of how you've utilized what you've learned or an experience you had personally with the motel. In my opinion, your conclusion is solid!
