please be very critical when reading this, and point out what i can do to improve the essay )) this is only a roughdraft, but i do hope to polish it up!
Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
My Dream of the Future
The responsibility and care for literally holding a patient's life in your hands is an abstruse, but gifting privilege. I especially remember this when I found my first injured animal at the tender age of 5. Though I have no prior experiences with dealing with injuries, I instinctively knew that this creature needed attention, and I carefully picked up the small bird and set on a table. The day passed, and I remember putting the bird inside my house in a small box, much to my parent's protests. The next day I awoke to find the poor bird dead, and though I can not recall any prior experiences with death, for some reason I started crying. After throwing the body out, I remember going back for it, hiding the bird in a plastic bag under my drawer, and when the day had progressed, I studied its feathers, its beak, and its entire anatomy, fascinated on how much detail lined its figure. Of course my parents found out and consequently threw the bird in the trash can, which was too tall for my short stature to reach. Since this incident, I have remained interested in the anatomy and build up of living creatures, and what I can possibly do to help recover an injury.
From an early age I knew immediately what I would wish to be in the future, though originally I started out with an interest in the physiology of animals and the veterinary sciences, in third grade I was exposed to a summer program in where I was given a course in human anatomy. From there I shifted my focus to humans, and now I aspire to major in genetics or medicine. I spent countless hours pouring over medical and pathology books as a young child, and though I would not understand much of the diction, the images of surgery, of an open heart, caught my attention. Though, the people who have most impacted my life are my parents. Neither of them completed high school, and, but they always stress the importance of an education, without one one is not only deprived of possible job opportunities but also the joys and priceless knowledge that an education endows someone with. My world was not very big, I grew up in a small city, yet I yearned to travel and discover the opportunities that would open up to me if I managed to break free of this small area.
Hi :) I really like your essay, it is a nice way to introduce your love of anatomy. I like the story of finding the bird, although I think you need to shorten that part a bit. you must find a way to properly answer the prompt question. You need to describe your environment so if you are speaking of growing up, start out by describe how your parents were to you, how your family influenced you, how you were very curious and examined that bird, and then how your family encouraged you by giving you books and information, and how your family supported your interests by signing you up for activities related to the subject, explain how your family helped you gain the skills and qualities that you currently possess. I hope these ideas help you ;) Good luck in school!
I agree with Jenny. This is a great essay that shows your passion for anatomy and your future goals but doesn't focus much on the prompt. I need to talk more about your family, community, or school to show the reader where you come from.
