I did not have a proper direction; Common App 250-500 word essay.

Right around Christmas this past year I was walking into work and I could feel the energy around me. All seven hundred of our resort's rooms were sold out. We could not squeeze another person into the property. I came in through the employee entrance and walked past twenty odd crates that shipping and receiving had littered down the main walkway, carts full of food going out and dirty dishes coming in as a passed the kitchen, and housekeeping attendants busily gathering linens and supplies to take up to the rooms near the service elevator. I had not even gotten close to the front office, and when I made it up to the lobby there was a line almost to the door of people waiting to check in. That is where I came in, "Welcome to the Omni Orlando Resort, how may I assist you?"

That is why I am transferring after I complete my two year degree this fall. The energy in large hotels and resorts during peak times is palpable- hundreds of employees work in unison to provide a service to the guests that are staying on the property. There are so many different moving parts that are completely dependent on each other. If one fails, it often causes a chain reaction. It is my passion to learn about each and every department and to improve and innovate where I can.

I began my college career almost four years ago, my grades were fine, but I did not have a proper direction. Then, due to my sexual orientation and my parents finding out about it, my life was flipped upside down. I was out on my own. I worked a few odd jobs before I started in a hotel and I really grew to love the day to day challenge. I worked in multiple capacities inside of the front office and this past summer I began to work of finishing my associate's degree. My graduation is currently pending and I am looking forward to continuing to pursue my education this fall.

I am glad to know the specific field that I wish to enter. My experience thus far has been positive-the people that I have worked with have made a huge impact on my life. In addition to that the thousands of individual guests that I have worked with have affected me as well. Yes, some guests are a little perturbed from time to time, but on a whole I would not trade the experiences for anything. I can hardly wait to feel the energy of being in a classroom filled with like-minded individuals; I know that my experiences in the classroom will only help me to improve in the real world.

hey you need to be direct if you are gay or bisexual, say it. I would consider everyone to have a sexual orientation, so whats yours?


I think you may need to reconstruct this paragraph, i am left think i missed something, may state it towards end of your reason in para 2.

Great job by the way, your essay flows, and there is not to much wordiness, cliches ( i spotted a flowery one which you may want to remove, "world turned upside down," instead be direct and write what really happened, how did it make you feel? what was your reaction? how did you respond? your world turned upside down means nothing to admissions.

I wish you had posted the prompt so that we can provide you with more relevant comments.


I feel you better shorten this sentence by breaking it up to two or three. Its length makes the reader a bit uncomfortable and disturbs your flow.


Very good writing. Awesome presentation too. Good Luck with your application!