[i]This is my first essay...I'm nervous...but thanks for reading/advising![i]
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Outside the windows, only darkness exists. I am moving the speed of a bullet, but on rickety train tracks cocooned in a tunnel. The presence of other passengers does not provide any ease as I cannot stop the inching fear that perhaps the train will malfunction and lay stranded in this abyss. I anxiously sit on the orange, hard plastic of a seat, staring at the advertisements above heads and at those who don't seem to notice my trailing eyes. Time taunts me as I cannot wait to reach my destination. A thought is forcibly permeated through my mind as my nerves are in need of an antidote, "I'll see Mom soon." But now, there is a speck of light in the distance! Resolution replaces my childish paranoia as the end of this habitual yet uncomfortable train ride arrives. The metal doors freely glide open, revealing the faces of commuters who step onto the train as I exit. Pacing away from the subway platform, a slight yet uncontrollable grin appears between my cheeks as the honking cars and bustling chatter of Canal Street fill the air.
Climbing the numerous flights of stairs onto the gum-covered sidewalks, I have finished another self-standardized marathon. Daylight hits my eyes providing a clear vision: the backdrop of brick buildings covered in black fire escapes, hundreds of merchandise-filled shops, speeding yellow taxi cabs and the crowds of wandering tourists that traverse this setting. The whole blueprint of this place is in my mind not by street names but by photographic memory collected from experiences that have followed me beyond time. I am filled with nostalgia, with "home", with Chinatown. That is how I know my mother's shop is a few steps away; it is entangled in the bitter war between the rivaling Burger King and McDonald's, which are separated by a strip of asphalt. As my feet join in the harmony of concrete footsteps, I exchange "Hellos" with familiar faces amongst the crowd of strangers until the assembly line is disrupted with a mocking "Ni Hao" from an American tourist.
How did I respond to this stimulus? Did I belligerently retaliate to this person? Or, did I nonchalantly walk away from this trivial nuisance? I chose the latter. My choice was not solely established by the refusal to exacerbate the situation but it was also because this incident was not personally peculiar; this moment was a fraction of the countless times I have been crossed with racial prejudice. Admittedly, however, this acquiescence was not always my demeanor; initially, I would grow frustrated and confused over such ignorance. But as time swept by, embracing me with maturity, I became aware that I was not alone, that there are others who have been subjugated to the same treatment. I was an individual, out of the multitudes, who has been faced with such prejudice. I was only a microcosm of the minorities faced with struggles living in this country. A society that is judgmental by human nature is an obstacle within itself; everyone is inevitably the object of others' perceptions. This feeling of vulnerability may make someone feel that trying to surpass a prejudice is futile. However, from moments as this, I have grown to realize that anyone is capable of transcending above it; that is how I learned not to reciprocate any bitterness but rather to grow stronger from this experience.
When others judge me, this judgment is based only what I allow them to see; my advantage in this situation is a form of empowerment that many do not realize. I grasp control of the outward image that I portray to others rather than being submissive to others' perceptions of me. This knowledge serves as personal motivation to always reach my potential and to make this striving known. That is why in all that I do, I do with undaunted dedication and perseverance; from the closed walls of school to the boundless horizon of an interdependent world, I relentlessly offer the best of my abilities in academics and service.
On the Chinatown sidewalks, I choose to be the adhesive gum amongst the parade of indistinctive footsteps. With every heavy shoe that stomps on me, I cling onto the culprit. Nothing can wear me out for I am a proud Asian American.
This essay is AMAZING. I'm from Seattle so I've certainly witnessed these events...it's crazy how our world can be so ignorant. You've done an excellent job at capturing the reader's attention, leading into the essay, and you've responded to the prompt in a fitting manner. I see no grammatical or spelling errors in your essay. I'd say it's ready to submit! :-)
This is a great essay. You get to the point quickly, and the writing is interesting to read. Your essay shows your diversity, but more importantly, the pride you take in being different.
The essay was pretty much perfect, your 1st paragraph did a great job of luring the readers in. Maybe you could take a look at my essay, I think you probably could give me some pointers.
