Essay1:
Since kindergarten I was enrolled in a
private , religious school: Orange Crescent
since ur over ur character limit, no need for extra adjectives. all religious schools are private schools right? (i might be wrong lol)
In every possible way, I was different
I'd write "I was different in every possible way:" or even take out the word possible. when ur over ur limit every little cut helps.
Not everybody was as accepting
add a transitional word like However or Yet to make it flow better
We celebrate both Islamic holidays and American holidays just as they are.I felt like that was already implied from past sentences. Doesn't really take away much meaning if you dont have that sentence.
overall i really liked your topic. It makes you stand out... in a good way :P
Essay 2:
To tell you the truth, I dont kno what IB diploma candidate, Socratic seminars, or "The 10 Commandments of Steve," or "Personal Best" is, so i feel my advise will be incomplete.
Add more detail on the relevation you had after reading the 10 commandments and personal best. What questions poped into your head? I also agree with yuanyuan. The end was a bit undeveloped. Try to write a little bit on your previous beliefs. Do like a before/after type of essay to really show your growth. Oh and what are IB diploma candidate, Socratic seminars, or "The 10 Commandments of Steve," or "Personal Best?" If it isnt something openly obvious adding a little about those can help too. If it is openly obvious then i apologize for my ignorance. hah xD