Hi~I'm not a good writter and I think it maybe a little longer...
any review would be helpful. thank you sooooooo much!!!
XOXO
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)Be academic in the day, be artistic at night. This is the slogan of publicity department. Energetic and ebullient, our department was regarded as the most creative organization in student union.
Laughs and new ideas are the most common visitors in our department. Originality and attraction are the eternal pursue of our department. It is the passion for art and beauty that bring us together. It is the enthusiastic communication that promotes each member to become better and better. We design fine posters to diffuse information and also we edit wonderful videos to attract people to participate in certain activities.
As the vice minister of publicity department, I was in charge of directing new-comers and the design of cultural artifact in the college. During the one year in the department, I designed a college T-shirt which is the best-seller; I edited the Institute life direction book, which provides effective information for the freshmen; I undertook the whole promotion of the college's welcome party and in charge of the stage design; I also hold several lectures to help people who want to improve their Photoshop skills.
In this community, I can experience love, passion and vitality. It is the department that makes my life colorful and gives me a chance to get rid of the heavy academic life a while. Enjoying life and discovering beauty everyday is an important meaning for me to be here in the community. But more importantly, community members can be each other's catalyst: we get inspiration from others and become other's inspiration meanwhile.
I don't think you are a bad writer! I like your essay, especially how you say "Laughs and new ideas are the most common visitors in our department." I think some of the sentences could be worded a little better.
"Originality and attraction are the eternal pursue" should be "Originality and attraction are the eternal pursuit "
"We design fine posters. . ." this sentence is redundant with the also. I think you should change it to "We design fine posters to diffuse information and edit wonderful videos to . . .
". . . I was in charge of directing newcomers and designing cultural artifacts in the college."
Other than that, I think your essay is very nice. I like your method of describing things in unconventional ways. Please read my essay. No one has read it yet :(
