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"Do you want to pull the plug?" Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality or experience


Bcapalad 2 / 6  
Oct 26, 2009   #1
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

My heart racing, unsteady, pacing through the hall, as I look around me with uncertainty in my family's face. On the bed, lies my grandmother struggling from the pain of an illness that had only given her six months to live. I looked upon her painful face only to realize she was once a strong women who could keep up with my immaturity. She fought to the point, which she had to lose one of her legs but her determination still gave her the motivation to keep living only to see the ones she loved. She surpassed six months but another problem occurred, she fell into a deep coma only having a 10 percent chance of ever coming back. The most difficult question had faced us, "Do you want to pull the plug?". My parents confronted me and asked my opinion, I never thought my grandma would be seen in such a fragile state but "Lola would want us to be happy and she deserves the peace that she has been waiting for.". We gathered around her with her last final moments of life, a smile on her face was what I remember. Then, she was gone leaving tears of happiness running down my cheeks.

That moment, I learned how life will have some difficult obstacles along the way that will seem impossible to get over. Choices will have to be made and I just have to go along on what I believe. To see my grandma struggle in that difficult situation encouraged me to never give up. Throughout high school, I faced critical moments at times, I thought to myself, my immature self would not be able to handle the pressure but I knew complaining would not solve anything. My maturity has changed since that time and I am determined to always look on to the future.. My next goal along the road is going to be college. I don't know what surprises will it have in stored for me but I won't let anything obstacles stand in my way. Life can knock you down as my times but all you have to do is get up on your feet even more.
Fiddysin 6 / 15  
Oct 26, 2009   #2
I believe this is a good start. Sorry to hear about your grandma ): Although I am unsure if you truly have answered the prompt (this may be considered an experience?) but it is not a quality, talent, accompishment, or contribution.
linmark /  
Oct 27, 2009   #3
I agree with Fiddysin, not sure this answers the prompt but to help you, grammatical & spelling mistakes are marked:

My heart racing, unsteady, pacing through the hall, as I look around me with uncertainty in my family's face. (THIS IS NOT A SENTENCE...)

... the pain of an illness that had only given her six months to live.
HOW DOES HER STRENGTH KEEP UP WITH YOUR IMMATURITY?
The most difficult question had faced us, "Do you want to pull the plug?". My parents confronted me and asked my opinion, I never thought my ...

We gathered around her with her last final moments of life...

... I faced critical moments at times, I thought to myself, my immature self would not be able to ...
... and I am determined to always look on to the future. My next goal along the road is going to be college. I don't know what surprises will it have in stored for me but I won't let anything obstacles stand in my way.

... all you have to do is get BACK up on your feet even more .
OP Bcapalad 2 / 6  
Oct 27, 2009   #4
Thank you guys but im really stressing out on either to change this whole thing for prompt too or just edit it because it is an important experience for me and did change me. Any more suggestions really struggling.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 30, 2009   #5
Revise this way:
The most difficult question had faced us: Is it the correct decision to "pull the plug?"

If you want to make it better, give the reader something uplifting at the end... perhaps a sentence about how that sad experience influenced your ideas about what specific contributions you will make as a professional.
shadejade 4 / 19  
Oct 30, 2009   #6
I think you should elaborate more about how the experience effected you and make it more positive. You shouldn't change it if it is something really important to you.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 2, 2009   #7
I just noticed what I wrote above, and it I think I said it the wrong way. What I meant was that the essay will seem more impressive if you end it with uplifting thoughts and ideas, because it will show your resilience. It will show how you can see that it affected you.
jolapham 2 / 11  
Nov 2, 2009   #8
I think it can be called an experience. My friend wrote about smt similar on a similar topic and it was OK.
I guess you should write some more about how you changed "since that time", more about your determination to "always look on the future", etc. End your essay with a positive note. Hope it helped.

GOOD LUCK!
OP Bcapalad 2 / 6  
Nov 8, 2009   #9
Thanks guys your ideas really helped.


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