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Pulsating Diversity to Enhance Experience- Rutgers University Admissions Essay


dpatel95 1 / 1  
Oct 30, 2012   #1
This is the application essay for Rutgers University. I would like someone to review my essay. Also please suggest changes to shorten a part of the essay as I have exceeded the limit. Thank You!

Essay Prompt: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.

Rutgers University's pulsating diversity replicates a community I have strived for to enhance my life experience. While contributing to create a more vibrant society with qualities I possess from personal cultural and life experiences, my presence in the Rutgers community will allow the diversity to amplify.

I was raised in a unique family, having a culture different from my peers. Throughout my life, this uniqueness has allowed me to share my culture and cultural beliefs with them, increasing their knowledge of diverse individuals. The values I have learned through my Indian culture have permitted me to absorb my ethnic roots and have given me the knowledge to spread diversity in the world, while captivating different cultures I experienced.

I have lived in three countries, providing myself life experiences I will cherish, and apply to the lives of others. I have lived in India, Canada, and America. My family moved from India to Canada, when I was four-years-old. Living in one of the most diverse cities in the world for five years, in Toronto, I witnessed people of various nationalities, increasing my understanding of diverse individuals. My interactions with new friends made me appreciate different cultures more. I also developed a desire for Canadian culture, which was relatively different from the Indian culture. I adapted well to Canada, and learned a new language, adding to the two, Gujarati and Hindi, I already knew. When I moved to the America I realized the changes that would occur, as the culture would be slightly different. My move from a large city, to a small town, Centralia, Illinois, was difficult, but made me realize that I can be a part of any community. I will use my experiences to make connections with those who share my past or with those wanting to learn about it. For the Rutgers community, I am determined to contribute by establishing myself as a prominent student through various organizations on campus.

I have acknowledged Rutgers' history of leading American universities in admitting the most diverse, and talented students, and that reason alone convinces me to pursue Rutgers and become a part of that community. Being a part of Rutgers will allow me to collaborate with people from different ethnic backgrounds, while receiving an education that will secure my future in the community. The diversity of Rutgers will further my knowledge of various different cultures, languages, and cuisines, making my imminent objective of serving people of all ethnic backgrounds possible.

My goal of becoming a health professional will include various obstacles, however, the life experience through the community of Rutgers University will help me get through those occasions, and positively help affect other students along my journey. Rutgers' absolves my passion of learning about new cultures and associating with a vibrant community. My presence will help stimulate that same passion for numerous students, making Rutgers University the coveted diverse community.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 15, 2012   #2
I was raised in a unique family, having a culture different from that of my peers.

...have given me the knowledge to spread diversity in the world, while captivating --I'm pretty sure this isn't the word you should have here. ---different cultures I experienced.

When I moved to the America, I realized the changes that would occur, as the culture would be slightly different.

My goal of becoming a health professional will include various obstacles, however, and the life experience through the community of Rutgers University will help me get through...

:)


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