Purdue Essay - Aeronautical Engineering

Hey, I'm applying for Aeronautical engineering at Purdue University, and would like some feedback on my essay.
I hope it answers the question. If it does, should the paragraph about physics and such be cancelled? Should course names be capitalized? Thanks.

Prompt: Describe how a Purdue education will help you achieve your personal and/or professional goals.

Aeronautics has always been my main field of interest; how aircrafts are designed, how the engines are manufactured and implemented with the utmost precision, how the wings are shaped and why they are as such and finally how the many, miniature features of an aircraft we do not care for allow it to lift off the ground and maintain altitude. Even the mere sound of the engines is fascinating to me.

My interests began to expand after my first flight, when the entire world of aeronautics was alien to me. The initial take off was frightening and the sound of the engines roaring mid-air was deafening, but after a while everything became normal. In the air the plane experienced minor turbulence, which is like an "air bump"; however, I did not know that, and it terrified me. Amidst all these events, the landing remains the most unforgettable part of the flight; the rumbling of the cabin as the plane touched the ground at a high speed, the sound of the engines being strained and the rush of adrenaline were all incredible.

In my childhood I did many things that further reinforced my interest in aeroplanes and aeronautics. I had visited many air shows, where several planes would fly at high velocities and perform agile manoeuvres with seemingly effortless ease; I was indeed fascinated by the pilots' flying skills, but also by the jet's structure and design, its body and hull and questioned how it had the capability of being agile, or rather what caused it to be agile and manoeuvrable. In my free time I used to play with remote controlled planes and sometimes attempt to build my own, but I lacked the sufficient knowledge to make the various electrical components work, and ultimately allow the model plane to fly.

Academically, Physics and Mathematics are two of my most favourable subjects, mainly because they intrigue me. Everything around us functions because of our fundamental understanding of Physics, from simple doors, to machines as simple as printers, to complex structures such as aeroplanes and space crafts. Any field of study is bound to include Mathematics or Physics at some point.

With the advancement of technology, newer and more efficient air craft and engine designs are being produced, and a robust university education is vital for any person planning on becoming an aeronautical engineer. I believe that Purdue University is superior and renowned; an outstanding aeronautical engineering program and a breath-taking location makes it the ideal place to study at. I hope Purdue University will allow me to pursue my interests in a calm, but stimulating environment, and arm me with the necessary tools to face an ever changing world.

Hi, I just made a few changes. I would like to give you some advice.

Try to make your essay easy to digest. I mean, divide the paragraphs smartly. The sentences which you feel are strong should be just one paragraphs. It would make a sentence stronger and would read easy.

Try not to use the word "but". It is a negative word

Do not use many semicolons.

In my childhood... Should be a separate paragraph.

But I lacked the sufficient knowledge... I suggest you may not need that sentence.

Talk about more about your strengths.

I have made some changes in the introductory paragraph.

Aeronautics has always been my main field of interest. How aircrafts are designed? How the engines are manufactured and implemented with the utmost precision? How the wings are shaped and what not. Even the mere sound of engine fascinates me.

My interests began grew after my first flight, when the entire world of aeronautics was alien to me. The initial take off was frightening and the sound of the engines roaring mid-air was deafening. After a while everything became normal.

Overall, it's a good start. You may need to spend some more time. I ' am sure you will do well..

All the best.

Please do not mind my comments, I just tried to help.

What do you mean seperate paragraphs? Like remove the "In my childhood... " sentence but keep the paragraph, and place it in another paragraph later in the essay? Also I want to include the fact that I like tinkering with things, building computers and doing voluntary work (I don't know, things that seem like strengths for an engineer), but where should I place them?

Indeed, try to build up on your strengths. You can include those things in a separate paragraph, where you speak about your strengths. Like, you can keep that paragraph where you speak about your visit to the airshow, but include another one where you speak of your particular strengths.

Good luck!

I added a paragraph about my strengths, replacing the one about physics and whatnot, more criticism would be appreciated.

Is it good? Does it need more work? Will I be able to send this off soon?

I consider myself a quick and comprehensive learner, able to absorb the most complex ideas and apply them with ease; I was able to erect a functional computer from scratch with little practical experience, relying only on my theoretical knowledge. I enjoy a challenge, which is why I opted for advanced science courses and an optional, self-study, advanced psychology course. I'm a very avid reader and intellectual pursuer, if one took a look at my bookshelf; they would find lots of thriller and adventure books, mixed with educational books and encyclopaedias, ready to draw me into their pages and make me lost in a sea of words.

I would remove the


part, also in the end,


or something like that, just a general idea.

I think it should be able to go soon, good luck!

This creates a nice mood, but I think you should add one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph, and make it a sentence that expresses one excellent idea that will linger in the reader's mind. The reader can only remember one main idea about you, so what will it be? I think you need to capture it in a sentence and express it at the end of the first paragraph.

I consider myself a quick and comprehensive learner, able to absorb the most complex ideas and apply them with ease; I was able to erect a functional computer from scratch with little practical experience, relying only on my theoretical knowledge. ---- show, don't tell. I think you could give two examples and omit the assertion. Do you know what I mean? There is no need to waste a whole sentence on an assertion of potential. It is better to spend a few words to express what really inspires you; whjat within your chosen field specifically is of interest to you and perhaps will become your specialization? The reader wants to know the real person, the unique person.

Academically, Physics and Mathematics are two of my most ... structures such as aeroplanes and space crafts. Any field of study is bound to include Mathematics or Physics at some point. --- This paragraph is thoughtful, but it is too obvious. I want to see this paragraph revised to say something about your unique plan, your unique set of goals and deadlines. It is important for you to have set up goals for the next few years and also for the first few years after graduation. You do not have to stick to this plan; you can change it. But show the reader that you really have one. : )

ask yourself if anybody else can write this essay if not you succeeded

other than that, Amazing Work !
I am a high school student who wants to pursue Electrical or mechanical engineering at Purdue Next year.
Please look at the Last essay I just posted its about engineering and my future at purdue
thank you