Can someone please proofread my essay. I am particularly looking for any grammar, structure, or other writing errors.
My primary reason for transferring is to pursue a business degree. As the eldest child and the first person in my family to attend college in America, I have always had the responsibility of being a leader; however, I was not set on a business route from the start. I consider myself a creative person with many interests, art being one of them. I struggled with narrowing all my interests into one discipline. It was not until I took a business class in my first of year of college that I realized a career in business would allow me to combine all my interests and still become the leader that I aspire to be.
Aside from my academic goals, I also plan to transfer to step out of my comfort zone. I have been living in Hawaii for most of my life. As much as I enjoy the beaches and the warm weather, I feel as though I have become too comfortable with the beautiful island that I reside. There comes a time when the stimulation of a new environment is essential for intellectual growth. As someone who is constantly searching for knowledge and new experiences, I feel that there is no better time to transfer than now.
By transferring to a college outside of Hawaii, I hope to meet people with different perspectives as me. I would like to be at a place that will take me outside my comfort zone, but also make me feel comfortable that I am surrounded by people who will inspire me to reach my full potential. I hope to make connections with people that will spark my curiosity on things that I have yet to learn. Moreover, I hope to obtain the skills and knowledge necessary to open a business where I can manifest my creativity, leadership skills, and passion to innovate.
Aside from my academic goals, I also plan to transfer to step out of my comfort zone.
Besides my academic goals, this transfer may help me step out from my comfort zone and grow as a person.By transferring to a college outside
of Hawaii, I hope to meet people with
different perspectives as mediverse backgrounds and thereby broaden my perspectives.Overall, I think you have done a good job. Wish you good luck with your application!
