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Pursuing career in business ; Personal Statement


eternalbangs 1 / -  
Oct 22, 2013   #1
Ever since I was little, pursuing career in business always been my
dream. Born in a retail business family, interacting with business world
since early age is not a strange thing for me. As a little girl I really enjoy
to help my parents on running their retail business. The joyful of helping
my parents made me want to explore my business passion, which come to
a thought to create my own business. This thought drove me
to build entrepreneurship spirit in my life. When I was nine years old, I
sold my creatively DIY (Do It Yourself) modified stickers to my friends,
which is a very big milestone for me at that time to fulfill my dream.
Four years later, I was on seventh grade in secondary school when
I decided to join student council as extracurricular activity to improve my
leadership and quality as a business girl. I was appointed to be a treasurer
of the student council, which followed to be elected as student council's
president on the next year. In secondary school my business instinct was
tingling me again. I began to resell eye-catching stationeries from store to
my friends. Meanwhile, I managed to establish new programs as the
president of student council at that time. The most breakthrough idea at
time was a self-service cafeteria, which is, depend and train student to be
honest even when there's no one watching.
In High School, my desire to pursue career in business has grown
stronger. I joined and became the vice chairman of a sub organization of
student council named KOPSIS (Koperasi Siswa) which is a business
entity all managed by students. KOPSIS conducts business activities like
trading, leasing and contract negotiation. Under my leadership, the
organization grew up so fast while cooperation were built among students.
I also managed to set up an online shop which selling a deco-casing
customization as my private business.
On top of that, I successfully managed my time between student
council, business, and studying. In fact, I accomplish many achievements
in academic and non-academic such as: able to maintain top rank in
school and won several English story-telling and speech competition.
I've done many things trying to live my dream and I believe
HKUST can provide best environments and education to help me to
fulfill it. I hope that during the course of this brief statement, I have
convinced you of my interest and dedication to a further course of study.
I believe that I will make a valuable contribution to your institution and
hope that I may have an opportunity to prove this to you

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 24, 2013   #2
Ever since I was little, pursuing career in business always been my
dream.

.... For me, I find this sentence does not deliver anything meaningful. I wish you started your response with the following sentence;

Born in a retail business family, interacting with business world
since early age is not a strange thing for me.

.... I feel this provides a better start
As a little girl I really enjoyedto helphelping my parents on runningin their retail business activities.


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