Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Sitting at my desk on a typical Monday night, the notification of an incoming Skype call from my grandmother in Malaysia appeared on the computer screen. Delighted upon the assumption that she made another Malaysian delicacy to showcase to me, I answered the call, eager to see her new creation. However, in front of her lay no special pan fried noodles or delectable mooncakes; only tears streaming down her face. She chokingly attempted to explain the horrible news. She made clear that through X-rays, the doctors have confirmed that they found a polyp in my grandfather's rectum, further explaining that the polyp is cancerous. Both sides of the line devastated, we said goodbye to each other, left to ponder at what the future held for my grandfather.
Never having any family member diagnosed with cancer ever before, I felt completely helpless. I lived thousands of miles away and could do absolutely nothing to help my grandfather besides console him, which was not doing much at all. So I came to a final decision that if I could not help my grandfather at this stage in my life, that I would dedicate it to finding possible cures for colon as well as other types of cancer. Yes, you have probably heard this time after time and year after year, but in all honesty, being given the opportunity to conduct research and to move ever closer to finding a definitive cure would be the ultimate goal for me. Hearing of stories about elderly people going through treatment for colon cancer and coming out very weak, I strive to create medicine that can significantly cure cancer patients without the tradeoff of making them weak and unable to live life properly.
This essay is unfinished and I would like some assistance as to how to make this essay more interesting. I know stories of cancer are very common and I'm not entirely sure how to make mine unique. Thanks for the assistance!
okay. so. ummm... hmphh.
well, first i need to know what your "world" is...
is the world your coming from have to do with your grandpa?
this is a very good start though =D great wording.
i approached this describing my world(my family) and how theyve inspired me in many ways then saying that it wasnt neccesarily my world(my family) that inspired me... then i went into the alzheimer's thing..
btw check fb-its easier
Here is an update on my essay. I am having great trouble engaging my audience. Can someone please help!
@muchluv4CAO, as in "world" do you mean that I should describe what my grandpa means to me?
so you're coming from a world of uncharted territory, an unknown world to you.
what you've got so far is great.
now you need to just describe the world you come from and how that world made you dream of getting into biotech.
Delighted because I assumed that she made another Malaysian delicacy to showcase to me, I answered the call, eager to see her new creation. However, in front of her lay no special pan-fried noodles or delectable mooncakes -- only tears streaming down her face.
Above, I used a dash to help manage the sentence better.
And below, you need "never before having experienced":
Never before having experienced the anxiety that comes from knowing that any family member diagnosed with cancer ever before, I felt completely helpless.
