I'd greatly appreciate criticism and revision of any kind! I need to submit this soon.
After interning with the facilities department and experiencing life on campus for several weeks, I've come to admire Columbia's unyielding pursuit of excellence in science and engineering. With the Northwest Corner Building nearly completed, a Geosciences Lab in Lamont commissioned for construction, and the first metal-clean lab on the East Coast designed, Columbia's dedication to modernize science and engineering facilities is evident. A prospective chemical engineer, I wouldn't be able to find so many cutting-edge resources anywhere else. The Courseworks in Columbia chatroom would let me take my learning experience outside the lecture hall. Demonstrate's Columbia's willingness to adopt new technologies to enhance the learning experience through interaction and communication outside the classroom.
I equally esteem Columbia's position at the forefront of internationalization, as could be evidenced by its employment of a German engineer for the metal-clean lab. The four global centers that the College has established depict its path to becoming a global university. Being an aficionado of the economic and technological implications of going global, I find the opportunity to study at a college so entrenched in globalization irresistible.
Also irresistible to me is the progressive environment that the College fosters. The invitation of President Ahmadinejad to speak at Columbia epitomizes the college's commitment to free speech and stimulating debate, no matter how controversial. As a budding advocate for environmental sustainability, I hope to participate in progressive undertakings myself, be they on Hamilton Lawn or through contributions to the AdHoc magazine.
good research done! maybe you should add a little bit of student life in there (if you want, to cover more field) but if not then the essay itself is pretty good.
mine checking mine out? thanks
and the first metal-clean lab on the East Coast designed,
This sentence sounds a bit weird.. maybe just take out the word "designed"?
would let me take my learning experience outside the lecture hall.
"would allow me to take my...
Demonstrate's Columbia's willingness to adopt new technologies to enhance the learning experience through interaction and communication outside the classroom.
Demonstrating or Which demonstrates?
The four global centers that the College has established depict its path to becoming a global university.
Perhaps change "its" to "Columbia's". "Its" is a bit confusing because it makes me think you are still talking about the global centers. Also consider using a different word that "depicts". Exemplifies perhaps?
This is really very good. I wouldn't worry much. You balanced praise and research and personal appeal very well.
If you still need to cut out some words, you could shorten your description and admiration for Columbia's polished, state-of-the-art facilities - the same could be said in fewer words.
Good luck! This is great, hope you get in!
This is pretty much ready for submission, really a lot of information, and you made the point clear that you know specifically why you wish to go. There are a few bits of info you could probably group together, as it seems a little too much like a list.
I like that you state how you admire their choice of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, as that shows a deeper understanding of world issues than simply listening to the news.
"Also irresistible to me" sounds a bit off. I would rearrange that phrase just a little bit.
I would suggest deleting all but the last sentence in the second paragraph, and fleshing out that particular aspect. Explain how Columbia is a global university; you don't need to relate it to only engineering, either, since you already talked about your engineering interests.
I'm applying to Columbia this year as well; mind taking a look at my essay?
Good luck, maybe we'll see each other there next year! :)