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'Pushing me to attend college' - University of Rochester supplement


sunni 2 / 3  
Nov 25, 2013   #1
  The University of Rochester offers many rare advantages, building from our "Meliora" ("ever-better") motto that has inspired generations of scholars, professionals, and artists. Describe what's leading you to apply, and what kind of "Meliora" experiences you want to have here at Rochester and beyond. (250 words max)

  When I stated my college research in September, University of Rochester had immediately caught my eyes because it has filled every expectation that I had dreamed for a college: beautiful campus, amazing faculty, and abundant student groups. Attending a college that I really loved can help to find my true passion for learning. I want to major in biology and obtain future career in dentistry. University of Rochester is a research institution, even freshman have the opportunity to engage in the research project, which increase my chance getting into the dental school after I graduated. I was impressed by Rochester's unique curriculum, letting students to build their own education. Since I am sure about my future plan. I did not have many opportunities to try new things. In the University of Rochester, the open curriculum allows me expanding my knowledge in other disciplines, such as art.

  Meliora push me to attend a college. I want to graduate with a high college GPA. In Rochester, that is not the only thing I want to accomplish, but also make myself better fit into the community. I am so exciting about joining clubs to meet new people, getting involve in campus activities, improve my communication skills, and to become a independent young adult. If I got accept, I would make the best out of four year.

I need help with grammar, and did I answer the essay topic completely?

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 26, 2013   #2
I want to major in biology and obtain future career in dentistry. University of Rochester is a research institution, even freshman have the opportunity to engage in the research project, which increase my chance getting into the dental school after I graduated.

....which will increase my chances of getting into the dental school after graduation.

Since I am sure about my future plan. I did not have many opportunities to try new things.

.... This should be one sentence.
Meliora pushes me to attend a college.
Good job.... I think you provide all what they need to know.
SreeSam 12 / 38 7  
Nov 26, 2013   #3
Hi sunni..

I have changed few things in your essay.. Just check out whether this is fine and let me know :)

When I started my college research in september, Univeristy of Rochester was the first one which caught my eyes since it has filled my every expectation that I had dreamed of. Beautiful campus, amazing faculty, and abundant student groups. Attending a college that I really loved can help me in finding my true passion for learning. I would like to specialize in biology and obtain future career in dentistry. University of Rochester being a research institution, even freshers have the opportunity to engage in the research project which will increase my chance of getting into the dental school once am graduated. Also I was very impressed bu the Rochester's unique curriculum which lets students to select their own subjects. In the University of Rochester, the open curriculum allows me expanding my knowledge in other disciplines, such as art.

  Meliora pushes me to attend a college. I want to graduate with a high college GPA. In Rochester, that is not the only thing I want to accomplish, but also make myself better fit into the community. I am so exciting about joining clubs to meet new people, getting involve in campus activities, improve my communication skills, and to become a independent young adult. Provided an acceptance, I would make the best out of four years.
OP sunni 2 / 3  
Nov 26, 2013   #4
Thanks! your guys are very helpful..


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