Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"You get out what you put in" - University of Michigan, Different Communities


Greg0825 1 / -  
Oct 30, 2011   #1
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it (Approximately 250 words)

As you go through life, you often hear clichés like, "You get out what you put in," and, "Mold your life into what you want it to be," and my personal favorite, "To take the road less traveled might make all the difference." As I've moved along my personal path of self-discovery, I realized that either Robert Frost was a genius whose forward thinking could only be compared to what would have been a modern-day Confucius, or I still had a lot to learn about this world and all its wonders. Unfortunately, life doesn't wait for you to decide, so you either go with the flow or grab the bull by its horns. Both my personality and my family background made the latter a natural choice. I'm a first generation American from a family of Russian immigrants. My family survived unthinkable injustices and persecutions by going against what has been drilled into society by less than transparent propaganda. They survived by thinking outside the box, and throwing themselves into life instead of letting life just happen. This is what I've been taught since the day I was born.

This is 188 words out of 250 possible and I would like some suggestions on the overall essay, like How I could close it, how I could make it better, and what to cut out. Also this is to University of Michigan Ann Arbor
Briana21 1 / 5  
Oct 30, 2011   #2
The beginning sounds very good but maybe in this part "My family survived unthinkable injustices and persecutions by going against what has been drilled into society by less than transparent propaganda. They survived by thinking outside the box, and throwing themselves into life instead of letting life just happen. This is what I've been taught since the day I was born." you might want to add more details about "your place in it"

take advantage of the word count...every word counts

Could you also look at my UIUC essay? & good luck!
madtomato 2 / 7  
Oct 30, 2011   #3
hi!
I think that you should focus more on the community aspect of the prompt. You get to it right at the very end, and I definitely think you can elaborate on it. It's very well written so far!

The second sentence is unnecessary in my opinion. I think you could just start with "to take the road less traveled"... then go into "Both my personality and my family background..."

And I'm a first generation American too. My dad immigrated from Belarus, so I personally understand what you're writing about. (Especially since I'm also applying to UMICH and writing about the same thing)
sonya15 4 / 29  
Oct 30, 2011   #4
I think you need more examples from your own personal life. Talk more about how the Russian culture and yours parents' experiences have shaped you. Since you have chosen to talk about your upbringing, it is important to be specific.

Could you take a look at mine?

Thanks and good luck :)


Home / Undergraduate / "You get out what you put in" - University of Michigan, Different Communities