Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 8


"Being a 'quad-lingual'" - UC Prompt #2


sofiaz 2 / 4  
Nov 22, 2009   #1
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Born in Hong Kong, I was being educated in both Cantonese and Mandarin. Since Hong Kong was a British colony before, it required its citizens to learn English as well. When I was small, my biggest fear and least favorite subject was English because I never understood its sentence structure or grammar, which frustrated me a lot. Every time, when the foreign teacher tried to come up and talk to me, I always pretended I did not understand and walked away. This had worked all the way through my elementary school life, but never worked out when I immigrated to California.

The situation changed dramatically when I moved to United States. Since the official language in America is English, there was no way I could communicate with others without using English. Thus, at the beginning of my seventh grade year, I was struggling most of the time. Not only in English class did I have trouble, but also in math, science, music classes that were once my strongest subject. Also, besides my academic problems, the way I did not have any friends was also distressing me too. Being a very outgoing child when I was in Hong Kong, I didn't even have any problem in finding a topic to talk with someone that I don't know very well. However, because the lack of understanding of English, everyday I had to go to class, and eat my lunch all by myself. And sometimes, when I try to express myself, I would make a big joke because I misunderstood the meaning of the word. The feeling of being left out in a society really irritated me, and I realized the only way to fit in was to work hard on my English.

Starting from that time, I worked really hard on my English by reading different books or articles, talking to some of my classmates, and writing in a diary using some of the new vocabulary I learned from the dictionary. At the end, I was not only able to make friends and build up my social community again, but also quit my ESL class after one year and enroll in many different Advanced Placement classes throughout my high school career. I also decided to learn one more foreign language Japanese to expand my skills in language.

Being a "quad-lingual" makes me very proud because it didn't only mean I had challenged myself to become fluent in speaking four different languages, but I am also able to use my talent to help out the others. I helped out some children by teaching them how to read and write Chinese; I helped out a couple of new students, who were new in America, by assisting them to get familiar with American culture; I helped out some elders when I was volunteering in the library by translating their needs. Wishing to benefit more people, now I am ready for college to become a pharmacist. My language skills will allows me to instruct those newcomers to United States who suffer for diseases but were unable to ask for help due to the lack of understanding of English. Since I have been to those hopeless moments, I wish my knowledge and skills are going to help them through these arduous times and accustom them with American culture, so that they will be able to help out others just like me.

Can anyone please me correct my grammar, sentence structure, anything you think sounds werid?
Also, can you give me some comments on it, what should I add or delete?
You don't have to do all of the above, either one will help me a lot!
Thanks for your help!
natsuken 2 / 7  
Nov 22, 2009   #2
Being a "quad-lingual" makes me [...]
This paragraph has got to change. You are listing what you've done and they sure aren't that impressive to begin with.

I'm an international student and i can speak 3 languages .
However, i realized that this actually isn't that impressive anymore in today's world. Being tri-lingual or qual-lingual doesn't really put you above others.

I believe that you were writing on an experience that changed you. Stick with it and please put in more thought into your essay.
mrdtt18 1 / 4  
Nov 23, 2009   #3
I agree with what natsuken had to say. Write more about your experience, stick as close to the prompt as possible. Writing about your ability to speak more that one language is cliche.
chinchilla 1 / 6  
Nov 23, 2009   #4
natsuken you are being pretty nasty right now!
it is not up to you to decide what is impressive or not
its how it has effected him and shaped the person he his what makes the experience important to him
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 23, 2009   #5
ER.. bit too much flaming at the essay?
I find being quad-lingual is a rather impressive achievement. sure there are others who may be as impressive or even more so, but yes canto/mando/english/japanese are a bit less impressive since you were born there. but it IS still an achievement. would even be better if you took french/spanish/latin but you cant change that... just would show more diversity and drive for more linguistic endeavors.

about your story, it's interesting, but try to focus more on one of the choice in the prompt and expand more on how this shows how YOU are unique. maybe a bit less information, to make urself sound better... its not lying but giving out information about weaknesses is rather discouraging..

prompt is asking :Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you
NOT Tell us about personal qualities, talents, accomplishments, contributions AND experiences that ARE important to you
HelpPls 5 / 23  
Nov 23, 2009   #6
You have great story-telling abilities. Nice flow, mediocre vocabularies

However something about your introduction is not complete.
kldini 12 / 62  
Nov 23, 2009   #7
I agree with Chinchilla. The essay expresses something that has shaped Sofiaz; and Natsuken the ability to speak more than two or three languages is impressive in today's world. If you do not believe me... try to put that in a resume... and you will realize that it makes a great difference. I tell you this for own experience... my friend didn't get a job as an office clerk in a law office, because she only speaks two languages.. and I did because I speak 3 languages and write in 5... =)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 25, 2009   #8
natsuken you are being pretty nasty right now!

Well... Natsuken contributed a perspective, and that is good. I don't think it was intended to be nasty. I do think it is very impressive for someone to be multi-lingual, but I also see the point being made. I think it is quite impressive to write a vocab diary and so forth, so I disagree with Natsuken's idea that it is not impressive, but it it still important for Natsuken to share the impression that the essay made on him.

So... this is great collaboration!


Home / Undergraduate / "Being a 'quad-lingual'" - UC Prompt #2
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳