This is one idea I had for my college essay, but I think it's too juvenile and specific. Please let me know what you think!
the delicious drink
Never liking the bitter and unsettling taste of coffee, I have grown to become an active tea drinker. Lavender earl grey in the mornings, refreshing peach iced tea in the afternoons, Roman chamomile before bed and milk bubble tea on the occasion, you could say that tea is a constant in my life. Mixed herbs bundled in a bag and infused in boiling water (served hot or cold), tea has seen me at my breaking points of junior year, my celebratory restaurant outings and everywhere in between.
After rolling out of bed and throwing on some clothes, a thermos of hot black tea wakes me up in the morning, follows me on the bus to school and accompanies me on the desk of my first-period class-physics. It sits with me as I scramble to copy down as many notes as I can about torque, centripetal acceleration and beat frequencies as Dr. Mullmann races through his increasingly long PowerPoint. At the conclusion of the course, I can finally understand that the thermos on my desk is at rest because the difference of the normal force and gravitational force is equal to zero. And, if the thermos were to fall, the potential energy will convert into kinetic energy as it travels closer and closer towards the ground. The thermos follows me to his desk afterwards to ask questions, review problems and feed my curiosity of the physics world I am just beginning to explore.
A bottle of raspberry iced tea at lunch is the perfect refresher, even if I am gulping it down as I review one last time for a German test the next period. As the line where the tea meets the air travels closer and closer towards the bottom of the bottle, I self-doubt myself more and more even though I know I am well prepared.
After arriving home from tennis, cross country or track practice (depending on the season), I delve into studying and completing my homework for the next day. Frustrated while trying to understand a certain topic, a cup of piping hot tea soothes my nerves as the drink fills my mouth and the sweet taste of honey cheers me up. There, I can study the night away-asking question after question, leading into an endless string of research and learning until it is time to go to bed.
I remember when I was 14, it was my first day of work as a tennis instructor at a summer camp. My mom made me a cup of matcha green tea to go. My hand sweated profusely as I gripped the thermos not just because it was hot, but also because I was extremely nervous to interact with the kids, the other counselors and my boss. Now, it will be my fourth year working at the camp and I occasionally make myself a cup of green tea in the morning when time allows. My hand still sweats as I grip the same thermos, but now I enthusiastically welcome the kids to camp, attentively feed them balls in drills I carefully organize and naturally make them feel included-much different from the timid, awkward, unsure counselor on her first day.
Whether sipping it at the library while drafting this essay, on the bus ride to tennis matches while nervously awaiting my opponent or around a table while catching up with my friends, tea has provided me with a caffeine boost and a delicious drink when I need it the most. However, it is not responsible for my track times, tennis season-record, grades or reputation in the community. That is dependent on my work ethic, ambition, leadership and devotion to everything I do.@Grace123
Hi. Welcome here. Come back to us if you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.
I heavily suggest that you try to give a briefing as to the intent of the text. If you do this, you'll be able to provide more insight into why this text persists as it does now. This will help us provide a more settled feedback on your work.
Aside from this, I like how you had built an accented tone throughout the first paragraph. Just ensure that you create a consistent format by incorporating the same flow throughout. I would also recommend being more cautious of run-on sentences wherein you lack pauses that are essential for building informative content.
Try to also replace informal words such as "more and more" with terms such as increasing. Doing this would help you write with a more concise technique.
Hi!
I personally love the concept of this essay. I think it is extremely unique and oringinal, but I think you need to eleborate a bit more. Possibly by talking more about your last sentence. I don't really see the qualities you mentioned in the last sentence through you having different drinks.
Honestly, I don't think this is too junvenile. Your writing style is quite relaxed in the essay, but that's the vibe of the essay. Don't try to force anything or else it'll sound unnatural.
Hope this helps!
