Life Quality
Any opinions on how I can make this better? I've submitted my essay to smartthinking and have already revised based on the feedback I got there. But I'm still over the word limit. Do you think it matters? I'm also unsure of whether or not I need a title... Thanks in advance for all your help!
A small voice has been calling me towards service in the Peace Corps ever since I was old enough to develop a broader worldview. The plans and goals I have made for my life have changed endlessly, but one thing has not-my desire to serve in the Peace Corps. The question was never if; it was always when. "Before or after I complete my bachelor's degree?","Before or after graduate school?", and "How will this look on my application?", are questions I continue to ask myself, even after six years.
I wish I could offer more unique motives for wanting to serve in the Peace Corps, but my reasons are simple. Like every other applicant, I feel as if I have done little to give back to the world I live in, and the people I share it with. Sure, I have volunteered in my community, but if I had not there would always have been someone willing to take my place. My conscience, or small voice, or whatever one might call it, will not let me ignore the fact that there are people in countries who do not have the resources and number of volunteers that the United States has. The US can offer its resources and volunteers by means of the Peace Corps, and I would be honored to share my time and talent to help improve the quality of life for people in a country unashamed to accept the aid and friendship of an American.
I began volunteering in my community around the time that serving in the Peace Corps became one of my life's goals; around the time I began to develop a broader worldview. The majority of my past volunteer and work experience has been with at-risk youth. Ironically, I began volunteering with at-risk youth before I ever knew my Peace Corps work area would be limited to youth development. My job as a tutor for at-risk youth varied only based on the subject; my role as advisor, teacher, and friend was always the same. The process of gaining trust, giving instruction, and maintaining a friendship was always satisfying and rewarding work. Additionally, I have volunteered at local hospitals, museums, and theatres. With such a well-rounded background of volunteer experience, I think I would have no problem adapting to any situation I might find myself in while serving in the Peace Corps.
Of the core expectations, I consider two of them more challenging than the rest. Number seven: "work within the rules and regulations of the Peace Corps and the local and national laws of the country where you serve," not because I feel I will have trouble obeying the rules, but because I'm sure the rules, regulations, and laws are exhaustive and difficult to keep track of. However, I'm sure that I will be well educated on them before I ever set foot in a foreign country. Also number eight: "exercise judgment and personal responsibility to protect your health, safety, and well-being and that of others." I'm sure I'll have no trouble looking after the well-being of others, but it would be easy to disregard my own health. Every other expectation on the list I'm sure I can manage. I have found that anything can be accomplished with the right attitude and I would confront expectations seven and eight with an eagerness to learn and overcome the challenges they present.
Serving in the Peace Corps is not something I want to do for what I can get in return. I'm not looking to serve for any reason other than to improve the quality of life of those in the country I serve. After completing the twenty-seven month commitment, the only thing I want is the satisfaction of knowing that I have helped someone in a way I could not have outside of the Peace Corps. If given the opportunity to serve in the Peace Corps, I would use my experiences as a guide while remaining flexible and committed to improving the lives of those around me.Dear Landon, take a look at the following
"The plans and goal I have made for my life have changed endlessly, but one thing have not-my desire to serve in the Peace Corpes" why not making this sentence few and simple? The plans and goals I have made for my life have changed 'completely' except my desire to... The question was never if I would, but always when I would. Will it be before or after complete (there should be 'ing' here) my bachelor's degree?... How will this (what do you mean by 'this'? you need to be explicit) look like on my application? (After the question mark, start a new sentence with 'These') These are questions I continue to...
"In a country unashamed (i think you should remove 'unashamed', in my view it arouses unnecessary meaning and arguement) to accept..." Simply say 'in a country accepting...'
I consider two of the core expections challenging. (i think you should remove 'of the core expectations,) These are the seventh and eighth...(what do you think?)
"I'm sure I will have no trouble looking after the well-being of others, but it will be easy to disregard mine.(so remove 'my own health')...please Landon, this sentence alone doesn't show that the 8th expectation is a challenge. The instruction also begs you to specify how you intend to overcome the challenge. This sentence has not done that too. So will you please do somthing about it?
Lastly i will advise you to stick to the instruction given. I mean number of words in your essay. If it wasn't important, it wouldn't have been specified. Adherence to instructions, in my opinion, is one of the qualities a corper should possess.
