Essay prompt-This is the opportunity for you to tell us more about yourself and your goals or interest in a particular field of study, your readiness for college, preparedness for the major, as well as your activities and accomplishments. Explain any personal experience, responsibilities and/or challenges that have impacted you or your academic achievements and/or your choice of career. Please be as detailed as possible.
Is this a good start?
As a child I always asked my mother the question "why."I believed there was a underlying reason to everything someone said or did.My why questions annoyed my mother and she would often tell me there is no reason why, that's just the way things are.I did not believe her but I stopped coming to her with my "why" questions.She wanted me to break out of the habit of asking why but I could not shake it.So I began to ask other people my why questions,it did not annoy them at all.People's motives behind their action interests me and I have a strong desire for answers.As I got a little older, I began to notice that one of my family members was demonstrating abnormal behavior.One example, of this abnormal behavior was that she would talk to her self.I did not understand why she was talking to herself because she looked "normal" on the outside. I later found out that she suffered from schizophrenia. By majoring in Psychology I believe it will help answer my "why" questions, allow me to help those with mental illnesses, and understand people more.
It is voluntary but I really believe my personal statement may help get into the the school so I want it to be good.
It's a good start, but if you have more space to fill, definitely write more..
The anecdote concluding with your desire to study was a great idea, but hold the aunt. One at a time is plenty if you can get more in-depth.
Be more consistent about your "why"s --> should they be quoted or unquoted? Im not sure.. but I would think quoted each time is the way to go.
My corrections are below.
People's motives behind their actions interests me, and I have a strong desire for answers.
--> This is good segue into stating the fact that you want to go into phsychology(your thesis or purpose statement i assume?). If you have more space to fill, include the detail about your aunt in the next paragraph, not here. However, this sentence can also be improved perhaps with more detail, better word choice, or sentence structure? play around with it a little and see if you can't tweak it to make improve the flow of the sentence, or even of the paragraph!
So I began to ask other people my " why" questions.it did not annoy them at all .
an underlying reason
As a child,,, I always asked my mother the question "why? "
My " why" questions annoyed my mother and she would often tell me " There is no reason why, that's just the way things are."
