'questioning all that you have stood for' - College application essay

Describe the most challenging obstacle you have had to overcome and discuss its impact on you and what you have learned from the experience.

Despite living a faith filled life, there will be times where you truly question all that you have stood for. Those times came for me at the most unexpected time. Before my family's vacation to Europe, my mom discovered a small lump near her lymph nodes. Before the trip we knew that there was a small lump on her neck but had yet to find out what it was. However, not to long after we returned home had we gotten a call from the doctor that no one wants to hear. That day was the day that changed my life. The doctor called and revealed to us that my mom had cancer. Before that day I had not once questioned my faith. But after, I found myself doing it more and more. I repeatedly asked God "why". But never could I find an answer. Not until the last day my family and I went to church together before the surgery did I realize that God had been there for me the whole time and was going to guide me through this brutal experience. The sermon that the Pastor had preached related to my family so closely that it was shocking. The sermon told of how God is always with us during good times and bad. Including how even though there will be hard times, we have to learn to always fall back on the love of God and put all of our trust in him.

Having experienced hardships like this I have learned to be grateful for every minute that you are alive and healthy. Because things could go wrong before you know it. What I learned about myself was that I want more than anything, is to have a career that positively impacts people's lives. Having the opportunity to meet the man who saved my mom's life was the deciding factor. I learned life is precious, and my new goal in life is to positively impact people's lives in order to give other people the feeling I had when I learned my mom's life was saved.

While I commend you for your strong faith the bonds of family, I believe that the essay became under developed because of that particular concentration. The prompt clearly states;


The main focus of your essay should therefore be on the cancer of your mother and how you coped with it. Describe the challenges that your family faced and how it affected your relationship as a family unit. How did having to deal with the aftermath of diagnosis affect you as a person? Did is affect you in such a way that it helped give your life direction and purpose? Cancer is an illness that teaches a tremendous amount of life lessons and either improves or destroys the family as a unit. Touch on those topics and how you were involved with either solving the problem or further enhancing the family bond. What we need to learn about is your experience and how you came out of it, hopefully, as a new and improved version of yourself. The sermon is good to read about but only in as far as it applies to your personal development during this time of crisis. Otherwise, the voice of the pastor is really unnecessary in this essay.