"Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather, achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted." Attributed to William Hastie, Amherst College Class of 1925, the first African-American to serve as a judge for the United States Court of Appeals
Throughout our lives, we face difficulties we think it is impossible to surpass. It happens because of human nature, we tend to see the obstacles bigger than they are. However, it does not have to be like that way. To overcome difficulties, humans must use their minds which differ humans from and other living creatures. If everyone had given up just because they faced with difficulties our World would have stayed the same.
This quotation has a special meaning for me because it beautifully explains the tough times I had gone through. After I experienced my first epileptic seizure in my prep year, I lost all of my morale since it made it hard for me to focus on my lessons and study hard. I acknowledged that one reason it occurred was stress which my school caused. My illness had an immediate effect on my grades since doctors told me to avoid stress and not study for a time being. In my prep year, I hoped that it won't continue anymore, however, it had seizures in 9th and 10th grade either. It was a difficulty that stood in my way of success but I never accepted to become unsuccessful just because of my illness. Even though my grades in 9th grade is low, I increased it by never giving up. When I face with difficulty I don't back off because I am not that person. Deep down I emphasized that the achievement would worth it as Mr. William Hastie said and I should work hard to get it. The best result for my painstaking work would be getting accepted by prestigious colleges in the United States.
Hi Kenan, the descriptions below are my contribution towards your essay. I hope you can follow through.
1st paragraph:
- ...we face difficulties that we think it is impossible to be surpassed .
- ItThis happens because of human nature, we tendhave a tendency to seeconsiderthesome obstacles are bigger than they areshould be .
- ...humans must use their unique minds which differ humans from andare different from other living creatures.
- If everyone had given up just because they faced with difficulties[/ws] experienced some difficulties, our W world would have stayed the sameas it used to be .
Apart from the feedback which focused on your first paragraph, I think you need to consider the use of contractions. Using "don't" in academic essay is inappropriate. This would make your essay becomes less formal. Therefore, "do not" is recommended rather than "don't, "cannot" is recommended rather than "can't. I know it might look simple but it is essential in academic writing. Good luck in revising this essay. Do not hesitate to ask if you need further assistance :)
Hi Kenan, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback in order for you to write an even stronger essay.
Overall, this essay is written fairly well, very minor corrections that can be fixed easily, though if it can be avoided it will be great and indeed, difficulties is life's many ingredients that shakes things up, make life a little bit more fun than usual and more importantly, learn lessons from them. Lessons that will definitely bring us closer to the realities of life, unravel that path for clearer and brighter future, through it all, human beings have learned a lot and this is what's more important.
Going back to your essay, it is very heart warming, it is realistic and though I'm not sure if this essay will be enough to gain admission but I'm hoping that it will. I believe that the last few sentences needs enhancement;
- I increased it bystrive and never giving up.
- When I faced with difficulty
- Deep down, I emphasizedknow that the achievement
- iswould worth it as Mr. William Hastie
- The best result for myof this painstaking
There you have it Kenan, I hope the above modifications helped in your revision.
