Honest opinion and I have not completely finished the essay. Any comments would be helpful.
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
Many of us preach about what we believe in. We believe that this is no longer a conservative society. We believe that we are able to make changes to this world as people are said to be more open to opinions. Even though we have evolved into something greater compared to before, the sad truth is many people try to spread equality yet the amount of people who practiced it is flawed. While we try to propagate these things, the structure in our society still have got to improve on itself. This is my strong opinion when cultural diversity is brought up.
Living in a small country which is known to be multiracial, I have got my fair share of moments being bullied because of my race. Although I was brought up in a typical conservative Indian family, I was told that learning one's culture is a beautiful thing. I started asking my friends how their festivals were celebrated or how their beliefs were originated.
As I got on to middle school, my schooling life basically transformed, into something worst. I was bullied constantly and to speak the truth, the words can be absolutely piercing for a thirteen year old at that point of time. I tried to fit in but I was constantly picked on because of my skin color. It's ironic how a skin color can determine how your life was going to be. I went into a great state of depression and kept focusing on my studies, because that was the only way I could get out of here. To get a higher education.
After suffering for a year, I decided shifting school was the best idea. Moving over to a private school, I have not only seen the racial diversity again, but I have also seen the diversity of opinions as well as the diversity of interaction. I realized that this school has taught me a lot more than I thought I needed to know. I became mature, started realizing what the real world is about and how brutal can it be.
There is a greater need now for a coordinated effort to not only promote racial diversity but also, to promote one's culture. I have been rejected even by my own community because I was known to be "not a complete indian" considering my parents came from different background of ethniticites. Nevertheless, it didn't matter to me. I was born to this world to deliver a more meaningful message, to show how culture can bring so much of happiness. That's when I decided to have a working experience.
I found many people coming from different strata of society and were combined to deliver a wonderful meaning to life. I found so many culturally diversed people who loved finding out my background as much as I enjoyed theirs. I learned so much in terms of experience, interactions and gained new knowledge on how other religions were.
That's when I realized I wanted to go to UT- Austin. Austin is not a large city but it is filled with diversity all over. My intentions is to join the Indian Student Association to reach out to people by raising awareness and also promote my very own culture. It will not only open the doors to their minds, but also a pleasure for me to know that I am doing my part in contributing to the society.
Your point is clear. Your experience is very special. I think this will give a deep impression to the readers.
After suffering for a year, I decided shifting school was the best idea.
After suffering for a year, I decided to shift the school.
It still has some grammar mistakes.
I like your essay. And welcome to give a look to my essays.
Many of us preach about what we believe in. We believe that this is no longer a conservative society. We believe that we are able to make changes to this world as people are said to be more open to opinions.
I feel you can present this idea with more clarity. Though you write three sentences to get to your point, it seems it does not flow properly. I wish you said it more direct and clear.
This is my strong opinion when cultural diversity is brought up.
... I wish if you put forward this idea slightly differently;
In my view, encouraging people to appreciate cultural diversity needs the support from the system itself.How do you feel about the essay overall though?
The issue is good, but I wish you need to support it with more cases and examples to attract the reader. That part seems to be lacking here. Why not you re-do this and post it here. I'll keep giving comments ;)
Also, do you mind checking my gwu essay?
Sure.... I'll do give my comments in a while :)
Wait for them :)
