Racism - Ut college essay: issue topic

prompt: Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation

Although racism is not as prominent as it used to be, the lingering effects are still evident. The problem starts at a young age while kids are enrolling in school. Many school districts are not diverse and students are surrounded by classmates of their own race, which naturally makes them have a bias against other races or a tendency to associate with their own. A great stride in shunning racism would be for the school districts to become more diverse so children could learn in a healthy, real life environment.

Ever since I started school my family and I have lived in Rockwall County, a predominantly white and financially stable community. I knew that Rockwall was a sheltered community but I never knew the difference a twenty mile drive to Dallas could make in the diversity of people. After working in Dallas for the summer, I truly understood how diverse the world is and how being raised in a mostly white area has sheltered me from this. America is truly like a crock pot with all the different ingredients or ethnicities thrown in. It is the only country where the population is made up of so many different kinds of people. As a country we are better for this diversity; however there are still people who intentionally or unconsciously exhibit racism. Society has made efforts to alleviate racism, and as a nation most people would say we have made significant progress. An example of this such is Barack Obama being elected as the first African American president. However, the election of Barack Obama really has not led to progress in terms of racism. There have been countless jokes circulating in our school community insulting President Obama because he is an African American and many white people refused to vote for him for this reason alone. On the other hand a staggering amount of minorities voted for Obama. The election appeared to have as much to with skin color as with the beliefs and personality of the candidate. As more immigrants have come to the United States, simultaneously people have become racist against Hispanics. The Arizona immigration is a great example. Although a significant amount of the United States immigrants come from Mexico, some do not. The thought that every Hispanic person is illegal is extremely racist. Racism is also shown in the college scene. In fact, rarely do you see an African American guy or girl in a Greek life unless the fraternity or sorority is strictly for blacks. There also seems to be growing racism toward African American athletes, whether in college or professionals. Typically it is the African American athletes that are constantly in trouble for drugs, drinking and driving, and gun possession, while white athletes stay out of the news.

Attending the University of Texas in Austin would throw me into the university life. As I have witnessed the people in Austin can be very diverse and unconventional. The present world is diverse though and our generation needs to be ready to cope with it. I know a key advantage to America is its diversity. People need to accept individuals for who they are, not the color of their skin.

This is a quick draft. please tell me anything that could be changed or edited or just anything that could improve the quality[/i]

would you prefer to say "Although racism is not as prominent as it used to be"?
also, i would use "evident" instead of "noticed" :)




is well off a sort of slang? not sure, but you can use "wealthy" instead if you'd like


i would say "exhibit racism" instead of "are racist"


I would also split this sentence into two, putting a period after the word progress and start the other idea saying "an example of this..."


Also, instead of using "around our school" i would have preferred to say "circulating in our school community" what do you think?


<< not sure what this sentence is saying


... try to rephrase this sentence without the use of the phrase "throw me into"


.. What exactly do you mean by 'crazy'? .. unconventional? thoughtless? unpredictable? i'm not sure. you should try to use a more specific and sophisticated word :)

Overall, nice effort for a first draft!

~All the best~

Thank you
I knew this essay would be tough but the topic is a big deal at the university so I thought it would be a good topic to write about. What are the strengths and weaknesses of the paper? What are three things that could make it better? Thanks again, I edited the paper with some of your changes.

Many school districts are not diverse, and students are surrounded by classmates of their own race, which naturally makes them have a bias against other races or a tendency to associate with their own. (this seems like a questionable statement. does it always naturally lead groups to have bias when they do not experience much diversity? This is no big deal, though.) A great stride in shunning eliminating racism would be for the school districts to become more diverse so children could learn in a healthy, real life environment.--- you know, what... this is a good point. I think this is a great para, but like I said before, you should maybe explain that statement... with an example, maybe.

... all the various ingredients ethnicities thrown in. --- you don't have to spell it out for them.

An example of this such the fact that President Barack Obama was elected. as the first African American president . ------ No need to waste words; the reader knows the significance. Let the reader figure some things out for herself. :-)

...

...beliefs and personality of the candidate.
(start a new paragraph!)
As more immigrants have ...

:-) great discussion! Keep looking for ways to use fewer words so it can INTENSIFY.