These are two essays I wrote for Columbia.. Any help will be appreciated. Thank you:
- Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why. (300 words or less)
It was a rainy day and I was coming back home after an exhausting day. I opened my mail box and I found a letter. I grappled the envelope and I tried in the middle of the darkness to decipher the words on its cover.
I was flabbergasted to see the prestigious name that shined in that obscurity: "Columbia University". I could not believe what I saw. I stared to the letter for minutes. I could not even dare to open it. I ran to the inside, all wet, screaming: "Mom, Dad, Columbia University sent me a letter." It wasn't certainly an admission letter but the fact that I received it was a sort of an accomplishment.
I was always excited about getting admission to Columbia. It was a dream that I held for more than 3 years. The reason is that this prominent institution provides a unique learning experience.
What distinguishes Columbia form any other university is its ability to create not only top scholars but also leaders who can immerse in their communities. This totally resonates with my background because I believe that learning is not only about acquiring academic knowledge but also a set of values that enables us to interact with others and prove ourselves. Mastering Math or physics would be worthless if we are unable to master humanities that will make our existence in this world relevant. Columbia, with its rich core curriculum, will prepare me for a life far beyond engineering and for an impactful future as a well-rounded innovator.
Aside from academics, Columbia vibrant community is also a valuable learning experience and represents even a second classroom with its diversity since it does not only bring high-achievers but also different personalities and characters.
Due to all these reasons, becoming a Columbia Undergraduate is my utmost aspiration.
MOD comment:One essay at time please
In terms of the why essay, I found it quite generic, ie. XXX school is awesome because it has beautiful campus, offers good classes, chances to meeting interesting people...blah,blah. This is pretty weak because you are talking about Columbia, in a way tens of thousands of applicants are talking about it--bragging about the school and not showing why you should be offered the chance-- not to mention the admission officers know much better about their school than do you. My suggestion is to relate it to your personal experience, interests etc. and focus on the overlap of you and Columbia, for example, a unique class or professor that you want to know better of, a story, perhaps sentimental, with Columbia in a personal angle.I know the second essay might do the job, but if you only write about the website info, what is the use of the first essay?
To truncate the words, here are some suggestions:
Unlike ordinary people, engineers see the world from another perspective. ==> Engineers see the world differently. ("Ordinary people" is mentioned beforehand, therefore redundancy)
That's what I like the most about engineering. ==> That's why engineering enchants me. (Not sure a good editing here, though)
Here're some problems: this essay can work for literally every school by changing the name. Write something unique to Columbia so that the AO won't think you take Columbia as simply a rebound or backup plan.
Dinorules: The second essay is not about Columbia. Rather, it is about what field of study appeals to you the most in Columbia
It's fine in general. You could definitely use some advice from dinorules.
Anyway, a couple of grammar errors here-
What distinguishes Columbia form any other university: from
Columbia vibrant community: Columbia's
Thank to that program, : Thanks
Without energy, our world will collapse.: would
Thank you for your help :D
I noticed it. But I think you can expand a little bit on "valuable research opportunities" and phrase the other parts more concisely.
How about this one for the first essay:
It was raining and I was coming back home after an exhausting day. I opened my mail box. I found a letter. I grappled the envelope
and tried in the middle of the darkness to decipher the words on its cover.
I was flabbergasted to see the prestigious name that shined in that obscurity:"Columbia University". I could not believe what I saw. I
stared for minutes to the letter. I could not even dare to open it. I ran to the inside, all wet, screaming:"Mom, Dad, Columbia
University sent me a letter." It wasn't certainly an admission letter but the fact that I received it was a sort of an accomplishment.
I always dreamed of studying in a prestigious institution like Columbia. Moments after receiving that letter, I started picturing myself
inside the Low Library contemplating an invaluable collection of books, suffering of a dilemma while trying to choose one. I imagined
myself attending lectures of people like Prof. Jeffrey Sachs or Prof. Joseph Stiglitz. I saw myself running down Broadway trying to
reach the Baker Field to watch Columbia Lions crushing their opponents in an Ivy League match. I felt a limitless pride when I
imagined myself sitting on the same chair where Barack Obama sat or reading a book that was in the hands of Richard Axel.
Columbia rich curriculum will also satisfy the thirst of the schizophrenic learner that I am. I will enjoy debating Meditations of
Descartes in Literature Humanity and talking about the beautiful Roman city Ostia in history classes while having the chance to
pursue my dream of studying energy within an incredible faculty with all the equipments needed in a place like the Energy Frontier
Research Center.
Is there a better place to be other than Columbia? The answer will be definitely NO. Thank you
