I welcome all thoughts on where I should improve :) The topic is open. Thank you!
I am a person of many passions and aspirations but it was difficult to express myself and stand up for my beliefs, having been surrounded my entire life by tradition, religion, and conformity.
I was raised by my mother after my father left us, the early years of my childhood defined by financial problems and my mother's depression. My mother quit high school and could not go to college and as a result, could not provide much guidance. I have always had to look out for myself and develop my own strength of thought.
Despite the limitations that came with being a Chinese female educated in a Christian home-school in a Muslim country, I still announced my atheism in 2009 - to awkward reception by friends and family. Awkward, because to this day, they remain baffled that despite their best efforts, I remain a trooper of the dark side.
Many took offense at my views and have hurled unwarranted judgments against me. It was incredibly frustrating dealing with this - much more so when your own friends and family don't even care to listen to what you have to say. Sometimes they don't mean what they say, but it can be baffling and even hurtful to be called "satanic", when I don't even believe in Satan.
Even then, these trials created opportunities for me to grow. I expanded my understanding of religion, theology, and philosophy to add weight to my choice because the other skeptical students in home-school were afraid and needed someone to lead and guide them in coming out with their atheism. It was vital that I have a strong personality.
Oftentimes, it became very difficult for me to persevere in the cause, taking the brunt of criticisms and disapproval from friends and teachers alike, subject to bouts of indoctrination and forced, every Monday, Tuesday, and Friday to listen to sermons, testimonials, and other such propaganda, in which bigoted remarks against homosexuals and other such basic ideals of human rights spread like diseases into the minds of young students.
There were even times when I loathed being an atheist, with no deity or name to call out to in times of difficulty. I had only chance, reason, and my own wit to help pull me through, which is quite a depressing predicament.
However, my experiences and love for the experiences I had in atheism kept me strong in this stand, despite everything. A quote by Ayaan Hisri Ali, whom I look up to, comes to mind now:
"The only position that leaves me with no cognitive dissonance is atheism. It is not a creed. Death is certain, replacing both the siren-song of Paradise and the dread of Hell. Life on this earth, with all its mystery and beauty and pain, is then to be lived far more intensely: we stumble and get up, we are sad, confident, insecure, feel loneliness and joy and love. There is nothing more; but I want nothing more."
Rather than to allow the label of "atheism" to handicap me, I want to utilize it to help me grow as a person. I know my atheism will play a huge part in the person I'll inevitably become, and whatever challenges there may be, I welcome them.
I think you may have demonstrated what the admissions officers will be looking for: a story of personal growth. You clearly articulated a belief you had and the trouble that you have been through with it, and also demonstrated your "openness" and growth potential.
The only concern I may have with the essay is the sentence "... in which bigoted remarks against homosexuals and other such basic ideals of human rights spread like diseases into the minds of young students."
Although you may indeed be right, it is important to respect the opinions of others no matter how much you disagree with them, as I'm sure you know. An admissions officer may mistake that as a hateful sentence against those people, which any way you look at it, that isn't a message you want to convey, even if you are talking about your own beliefs. I recommend keeping the sentence and simply toning down the language.
Otherwise, this looks like a great essay ! I applied EA to Harvard this year and was deferred. I wish you the best of luck!
I think really nice essay about our parents or one of them, who really struggle and worked hard to take care of us at our childhood and bring us to this stage. So, now it's our turn to make them happy and feel pleasure by taking care of them at their old age by providing them some necessary and luxuries facilities, so that they could live happy and comfortably and could feel proud on us.
i think its a great essay. my only issue is that you say that you hope it will help you grow into a better person and not how it already has. although it comes across your essay, i think it will be better to state clearly how your beliefs have already made a difference in who you are.
