What is one thing we won't know about you after reading your application that you haven't already reported in the Common Application "Additional Information" section?
After reading my application and learning of my test scores and my grades, my clubs and my sports, you will know of the things I have and haven't done so far in my life. You will know the areas in which I have excelled, and also the ones in which I have not. However, missing from this report of my past accomplishments is a look into where I come from, why my application has turned out the way it is, and how this affects the way I plan on living out the rest of my life:
I have been raised in a setting as close to perfect as I could imagine. On almost every level, my childhood has been one of ideal circumstances. It begins with my family, which has always supported me in anything I have chosen to pursue. They have loved me unconditionally, and my parents have raised me in such a way that I have been able to mature academically, emotionally, and spiritually. My school and community have also provided everything necessary for me to thrive, with great friends who are there for me every step of the way and all of the tools for the best possible education at my disposal. Blessed with this loving family, these loyal friends, this accepting community, and my own unique abilities, all that has ever been needed for me to succeed has been my own desire. Dreams and aspirations that may be impossible for others to achieve have been within my reach due to the amazing blessings I have been offered. But even more valuable than the blessings which have made my achievements possible has been the guidance from my parents on how to use these blessings and opportunities. I have learned through them that I owe it to God and to the countless people in my life who have been there for me on my journey to embrace these opportunities, to continually challenge myself, and to pass on to everyone I encounter the love and care that has brought me to where I am today.
Let me know what you think.
This is a great start but I feel like you still havent answered the question. If you take out what I suggested, then the essay will start out interesting. I think you should focus on one thing that you feel like they really need to know about you that you havent shown in your application whether it be that you move a lot or that you have a disease [god forbid!] But once you choose that expand on it as specific as you can get. Hope this helps! Check out my barnard supplements too :)
This is a great essay! It's great in that you show your appreciation for the privileges in your life, and (insert rainbows and kittens here) there are no grammar issues at all!
However, I feel like it shows more about your family, friends, and environment than you. The question IS "what is one thing we won't know about you", which is why you should consider making it more about yourself. Maybe elaborate on those "unique abilities" you mentioned and how your environment allowed you to freely develop them.
That's just what I think. If you don't have that much time to change it up, then just keep it the way it is, because it's already very good and shines a positive light on your personality. Good luck!
