React to a crisis or critical moment in your life at which time thinking as usual was no longer possible. SUch a situation may have occured after a death of a loved one, drastic move from one part of a country to another, or during a public catastrophe. Do not feel limited by these examples. Describe the event and tell us how it changed your thought process.
ESSAY:
Losing my best friend to another country was a huge crisis in my life. She was worth over nine years of memories which were filled with smiles, tears, and laughs. She was my best friend, my other half, and practically a sister to me if blood never came between us. Her name is Emma; she and I used to spend every waking moment together. The day she moved to Ireland was the day my world came crumbling down into pieces. We were both standing in the JFK International Airport; a place where we exchanged our last goodbyes. The last site of her was the view of her back as she walked away to board her plane. I felt alone and crushed, as if all the doors that opened to anything exciting or hopeful just closed on me. I didn't really know how to think because we did everything together. She was the oxygen to my lungs that helped my body keep on running. I was so dependent on her. From that moment on, I knew I had to grow less dependent and more independent. I was on my own now; she was off to another country while I was stuck in NJ to experience life and go through obstacles without her. I've learned to appreciate every moment that life brings to me because sometimes things can disappear right before my eyes. Everything doesn't last forever, so now I think and acknowledge only the positives of everything.
too personal?
Hey, I'm just another user, but thought I'd help others out since I owe this site some gratitude. Plus having two viewpoints can't hurt.
I personally don't think this is too personal. Maybe more details. Throughout the essay you mention how you two did everything together, going through obstacles, etc. Maybe those could be sharpened into more vivid memories instead of just vague actions. That will definately add depth. It felt like I was just glazing over your tragedy without actually experiencing the loss. You need to get the reader more involved- you're just telling the story right now, instead of showing it.
All in all, I think the idea would make a good essay. Just needs a little bit of refining to make it stand out.
Good evening.
Let's see what we've got here:
"I didn'tAvoid contractions in formal academic writing, as they are inappropriate and many instructors will count down for them. really know how to think because we did everything together."
I too agree that it's not too personal, and that more in depth analysis is necessary for this to be an effective piece. You've told us that she was very important to you, but why do you think you were so dependent on her? How did you create your independence from her when she left? What can you still work on in this area?
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
oh okay, thank you for the advice. do you suggest that i write another essay ? because i don't know if this essay is good enough for a college application
You're very welcome. I don't think writing a new piece is necessary, just add a little bit more to this one.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
