Mrinal, is the prompt for this essay something about a place where you feel most comfortable/ content and why? If so, I have to tell you that you did an excellent job of describing the place and outlining the reasons why you feel most content there. However, I feel that the essay would be better improved if you placed the paragraph that opens with "In the spring of...' in place of your current first paragraph. It will flow better that way. The description of the place will have more impact after we learn how your family helped to cultivate the land area
The overall essay will actually benefit from a simple repositioning of the paragraphs in order to create more impact. Let me number the order of the essay for you as I see it in its most effective form:
1.
In the spring of 2009, when I first learned my parents had bought a small parcel of land, I was excited. I painted an image of myself lying in the crisp grass and smelling the flowers sprinkled across the fields. But when I arrived at the site that first Sunday, my Sound of Music portrait was shattered. Instead of green grass and alpine flowers, I found empty Coke cans. White plastic bags, tangled in stubborn weeds that choked the hills, fluttered noisily in the dusty breeze. Every Sunday, we would drive forty miles to the decrepit plot, and every Sunday, I dreaded it.
2.
In a few grueling months of labor and prodding from my parents the land was transformed. The weeds were replaced with grass and the garbage with rows of blood red beets and crisp lettuce. The change in the land paralleled a shift in my views of the ranch. In the process of weeding and potting, I had started to enjoy the smell of the earth and music drifting over the land. I found catharsis in the ability to convert the barren piece of land into something meaningful. I felt a sense of comfort here and was enchanted by the light bulb sky and rolling hills.
3.
The land is in full bloom with dahlias and tulips leave colorful spots in the green. Flowers and trees adorn the land, making me feel I am in the middle of a jungle, rather than a few miles from the city. My mother's love of fruit trees and mine for succulents show themselves in the wide spread greenery. As I gaze at the garden, the faces of roses smile up at me, imparting happiness. The sweet smell of jasmine mingles with the breeze. Brazen rabbits hop across the grass as my dog eyes them suspiciously. The chickens cluck from the rickety enclosure that protects them from the unfriendly visits of coyotes. As I close my eyes, the music of birds crafting their songs and the distant bleating of a goat mingle with my thoughts and replace all that is stressful with serenity and calm. My mind is clear, my negative thoughts purged. As night falls, the clear skies, peppered with stars, take away any remaining anxiety. I am content. I have found my haven.
4.
I remember one especially terrible Sunday, when I had gotten a low grade on an English essay into which I had poured my soul into. I simply wanted to be alone; I certainly did not want to drive to the middle of nowhere to be deprived of electricity and running water. But instead I was handed gardening gloves and sent out to the expanse. I complained, but even the blazing 1 o'clock sun could not dampen my parents' enthusiasm.
5.
In addition to the sanctuary this land has provided me, it has also given me the means of connecting with the world outside of my little one. It has given me a holistic perspective of the world I find extremely meaningful and imparted in me an appreciation for life. One person who has broadened this perspective is our ever-smiling neighbor Cornalio. His home, behind a little front yard adorned with a mixture of tools and toys, lies on the edge of the ranch. Despite having to rise with the sun to work and return only when night sets, he always seems full of energy and life.The ease with which he smiles has taught me to be happy and not fret over the little things, like a bad grade on one essay. From Conalio I have learned there are many types of people with attributes anyone can learn from.
This order of presentation will make the essay more interesting to read. At least that is my opinion :-) I hope you can use my suggestions.
