Prompt:Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I would like to know if i head toward the right direction? Thanks!
The adrenaline was rushing through my body as my heartbeat sped up during my warm up. My arms numb and my legs were fragile like glass preparing to fall and break. It was time; we had to walk towards the start line. Flag up, then down! Go! We all ran up like a stampede of animals pushing and shoving attempting to get to the front. The first mile was fine, nice and smooth like any other but then my ankle pain reappeared. A strong and sharp pain struck my ankle and I suddenly felt like giving up. But then as I began to walk I heard a shout from the crowd, "Ixchel!" I looked up and saw my light, thin coach cheering me on. I shouted back "it hurts I have to stop! I'm giving up." At that moment I saw her face in disappointment and suddenly it hit me. I had to keep going, keep looking forward and not give up. I had to reach the finish line.
It was cross country league finals. Pierce College looked a little fuller than usual as more than twenty schools were there to compete. I spoke with my other teammates as we contemplated on the chance of moving on into running the city finals. I knew we could do it but only if we gave it our all. I just kept repeating to myself "never give up, don't give up".
It was time for our warm up and I had to make sure to stretch my ankles and knees extra carefully so they wouldn't give me too much difficulty. I counted down the seconds although it seemed like an eternity to my race. I was nervous! I saw kids covered in water, dripping in sweat, wrenching in their own perspiration. They were done, they had finished their race. Their nightmare was over, now it was my turn.
I walked towards the start line. I desperately looked around for my coach and then I finally spotted her. I looked right towards her and said; "I don't think I can do it, it's too hard."
She smiled and said "there is no such thing."
It was time, I had to get prepared. The flag goes up and then slowly down. Let's Go! I began as usual not sprinting my first mile but setting my pace. I ran one circle around the field, I was getting closer to the sign that said two miles, but then out of no where a sharp pain attacked my ankle. I knew this pain, it would come and go during so many prior races but it just couldn't happen in this one. I kept jogging trying not to give up but I just couldn't I wanted to give up. However, all the training, all the scrapes and cuts, all the practice, it was worth it I knew I had to keep going. As I ran behind my school rivals I began to make my way through them one by one. I left them behind and before I knew it I had finished the race. Not only that but I got sixth place in league!
After my race I ran to my coach yelling "I did it! I did it!" repeating it over and over again. I was still soaked with sweat all over my body although I didn't care because nothing else besides the fact that I had finished mattered. My coach just grinned and said "I knew you would, you're a strong athlete and always life up to your challenges."
A grin came across my face I knew we had made it to city and not only that but we won league! As we received the trophy's I sensed that tears were coming down my cheeks. It was the first trophy I had ever earned.
In the end of my race I had realized that although many times I want to give up in life I just can't. I have to fight for what I want and if I want to win I must try hard. Throughout my life I know that plenty of things will get in the way in order to scare me off but I mustn't lose hope. If I fall and make a mistake I can't back down I have to fix the mistake and move onto fixing another mistake. That's just how things are learned and winning sixth place and league helped me realize this. I am a dedicated, strong and hard worker.
Good evening :)
I think you've got a good start here, but the focus is in the wrong place. As the piece is now, the focus is more on the event and not on how you really feel about the accomplishment. The prompt wants to know more about why this event makes you feel proud and how/what it has to do with who you are now. I suggest condensing the story about the meet and spending more time explaining why you are proud of your performance, and how it changed you into the person you are now.
Regards,
Gloria
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