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Reach an outstanding employment prospect to major financial institutions - liberal arts colleges


LoveNYU 2 / 8 1  
Feb 28, 2015   #1
Prompt: Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

While studying in the University of Connecticut for more than three semesters, I gradually realized that my current college is not the best choice to pursue my academic goals. I found that it is more focused on agriculture and engineering. Business and economics, however, do not play a central role in its system. To reach an outstanding employment prospect to major financial institutions, I decided to apply transfer.

Also, I have learned that I prefer seminars to lectures. Among the sixteen classes during my first four semesters, six of them have been lectures. Although the professors and classmates are really warm-hearted and helpful people, I found I have few opportunities to exchange opinions with them. Going to a school that has more seminars, I will have not only more opportunities to share opinions but also more chances to develop relationships with professors.

Although my reasons for transfer are primarily academic, there are also social reasons. Since I was born and raised in a metropolis, I chose to come to the University of Connecticut with no doubts because of its large population. However, when I came back to my university after my summer trip, I began to feel that going to a massive university may not be the best choice for me. When I went to new classes and new dormitories in a new semester, I found I did not know anyone I met. While I did meet other new people, and it is good for me to make new friends, it is hard to maintain deep relationships with them. Furthermore, as a foreign student, the cultural gap mean that it takes me a longer time to develop and deepen relationships with local Americans. Going to a smaller college, I would have a better chance to maintain solid relationships and learn about American high education culture.

Although I believe I would be happier in a smaller college, I still prefer to be close to cities. Living in my current location, which is set apart from the local populations, I feel it is too distant for me to have contact with local communities freely. As a result, it becomes harder for me to develop relationships with local residents and to learn local culture. For a student who is interested in business and economics, a city environment also means more resources to build a network. I will have more chances to visit major financial institutions and to get internships, which are noticeably contributive to my future.

Although it will be a hard process to enter a new school since I enjoy the life in my current university, I love to make new friends in different places and take the challenges of more intensive courses. As I am a member of dean's list through my first two years in my current university, I believe that I will overcome the academic challenges in my new college.

zasif326 3 / 5  
Feb 28, 2015   #2
Other people might not reply to my thread because after you replied with one small comment, it went from being "unanswered" to the regular pile of answered threads. Please don't respond unless you actually have something useful to offer and if it's not for your own self-interest; it hurts other students and prevents them from being recognized.

That being said, your essay is great up until the last paragraph. your conclusion is not very strong. you talk about reasons for transferring in the beginning, but at the end, you talk about how great UOC is. Throughout the essay, the only focus should be on why you want to leave and what you will do at your new university.
OP LoveNYU 2 / 8 1  
Feb 28, 2015   #3
Sorry, but this is really urgent. I will have a look at your essay later. And if I can, I will delete my previous comment. But I still really think you simplify some long sentences.
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 28, 2015   #4
Hi, I don't think this essay focuses enough on "the objectives you hope to achieve" Also, it seems to focus too much on the drawbacks of UConn instead of the benefits of the new college to which you are applying. Here are some other suggestions:

...
OP LoveNYU 2 / 8 1  
Mar 1, 2015   #5
Do you think I should write a mini-story/mini-introduction as beginning?
OP LoveNYU 2 / 8 1  
Mar 1, 2015   #6
Transfer from a national university as a finance student to a liberal arts as an economics student

Hello, everyone. This is my second version of my transfer essay, and it is due tonight. So please make a comparison between this version and the first version which is also pasted in this post, and give some strong advice. I really hope a contributor can give a help, and please give more specific suggestions on structure: whether it is clear, satisfy the prompt, etc.

Prompt:Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.(250-650)

Second Version:

During the summer after my first year of college, I visited a friend and I learned that he gained a master's degree in a prestigious graduate business school and was enrolled by Bank of America. I was surprised because, instead of attending a business school during his undergraduate years, he chose a liberal arts college and majored in economics. He found that I felt unbelievable, so he explained: "In the modern society, financial institutions do not merely focus on traditional business field. Instead, they prefer the people who are versatile. You do not have to give up your real interest and go to business school in order to be employed by a bank." He also told that his uncle graduated from a law school, but also work for a bank because he is familiar with business laws. Then I recalled that the most books I read in China were about economics, rather than finance. I believe this is my real interest.

Upon my return to the University of Connecticut after the summer, I began considering about majoring in economics. Having taken two economic classes and exchanged opinions with students majoring in economics, I realized that while I am interested in courses which are practical and tightly connected to contemporary events, my current university offers courses which are very theoretical. I was impressed by the broad class options and in-depth materials which can help me understand contemporary events more deeply. By attending a new college, I will join the economics learning community, volunteer to be a teaching assistant, find an internship, and eventually go to a graduate business school.

Although my reasons for transferring are primarily academic, there are several other reasons. I was born and raised in a metropolis in China, where I do not feel closely tied with other people because of its mass population. The environment of the University of Connecticut is quite similar to my hometown, as it is a massive university. In addition, among the sixteen courses I have taken during my first four semesters, six of them have been lectures. This situation gives me fewer chances to exchange opinions with professors and classmates. To be more closely tied with other people, I am now looking forward to attending college which has smaller population and higher percentage of seminars. I believe by attending such a new college, I will develop deeper relationships with professors and students and be more assimilated in American society.

Although it will be a hard process to enter a new school since I enjoy the life in my current university, I love to make new friends in different places and take the challenges of more intensive courses. As I am a member of dean's list through my first two years in my current university, I believe that I will overcome the academic challenges in my new college.
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Mar 1, 2015   #7
Do you think I should write a mini-story/mini-introduction as beginning?

I am not sure I understand what you mean by a "mini-story".
OP LoveNYU 2 / 8 1  
Mar 1, 2015   #8
It means a short introduction, such as a personal experience. BTW, I just posted my edited version, could you have a look? Thank you!


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