Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"REACHING FOR MY DREAMS" - Why motivates you to go to Rice

dthomas518 1 / 1  
Jan 2, 2010   #1
Task: The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)


Principal: "Mrs. Mangatt? Hi, this is Principal Dreyer from Mark Twain. How are you today?"
Mom: "Fine. Thank you, is there something wrong?"
Principal:" Well, I'm calling in regard to your son, Davis. Today a little accident happened in the classroom."
Mom: "Oh my God! Is everything alright? Is he ok?"
Principal: "Mrs. Thomas, I assure you everything is fine. Today Davis' kindergarten teacher found him dissecting several of the classroom fish. Several of his classmates fainted from the "surgical procedure" he was performing."

Mom: "Oh, I see."
Principal: "I was wondering if Davis has any disciplinary problems at home."
Mom: "No, not at all. If you need me to pay the costs to replace the fish, I'd be happy to do so."

Principal: "Yes, please do. I just need you to bring Davis a new set of clothes to replace the bloody ones he's wearing now."

Later that day, that same little boy came back home on the bus grinning with such accomplishment and pride. His mother of course was disappointed at him for all the commotion he caused at school. She was about to scold him for his actions, but suddenly she saw what was in his hands. He had secretly brought back all the ingredients from his debacle. He laid eight biohazard bags on the counter and slowly moved back. His mother was amazed; each bag had the body parts correctly labeled, scientific classification, and the blood stored in small vials he got from doctor visits. Now, his mother knew nothing about the science behind his action, but she could not stop smiling at the profound interest her son had captured in her. He was a bookworm, and hungry for knowledge.

Today, I still carry that interest and motivation with me. Not in the study of Ichthyology, but rather human biology. No, I'm not going to kill humans and dissect them. Instead, I want to become a surgeon and help others recover from dangerous ailments. To be in an operating room, you can feel the pressure amounting toward each person. All eyes are on you. A life is at stake. It's in your hands. A single stroke of your forceps can decide the course of that being. You are playing God. The aura behind each delicate blissful motion can truly amaze the mind. You are piecing together a broken puzzle. We are all subject to the same fate of death. Where and when we choose that fate is up to us. My goal is to improve the lives of others by performing lifesaving procedures that will take the field of medicine to the next level.

Watching the surgeons operate on the Discovery Channel never ceases to fascinate me. The daunting task they have before them is extraordinary. Each brilliant mind collaborates together to create a single solution to address the problem. Sometimes, things may go wrong, but they are prepared to remain calm and approach the situation in a new direction. Their elegant movements show their determination to create a perfect remedy. I admire their determination no matter the obstacle and the pride they take in their duty. As a student, dissecting in my AP Biology class is the closest thing to my dream. Whenever my teacher announces a dissection lab, I cannot cease to grin. As the little boy who preformed his first dissection twelve years ago, that same spirit sill lives on today.

Rice University is a breeding ground for the mind. It thrives amidst the beautiful lecture halls with knowledge bellowing out of great minds. The Wiess School of Natural Sciences provides state-of-the-art facilities for research and labs. At the department of Biochemistry and Cell Biology, there are Professors who share the same impassioned feeling about human biology like me. In addition, spending time with intellectual equals who love working together to help others. This is a second home to me. But, why stop there? Like the professors at Rice University, I want to share my knowledge with others. I hope to join the Doctor's Without Borders Programs and help people worldwide who are suffering from illnesses that plague them due to their poverty. By helping others, I hope to set an example for a new generation of "little scientists." "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." (United Negro College Fund Slogan) According to the "Last Lecture," by the late Dr. Randy Pausch, we need to achieve our childhood dreams. We can start by not giving up on ourselves and realizing our true potential. Dr. Pausch also mentioned we need to enable the dreams of others. I hope that one day my quest for knowledge will be continued by others, because a dream never dies, it just floats on. I am little boy who never stopped for nothing less than his true potential. As I enter a new chapter in my life, the doors open to a new world where my dreams can take me anywhere; all I need is the chance.

Please I really need help? i'll return the favor. Be honest and note out any flaws either grammatical or if the essay doesn't flow well. Thanks so much!!!
marycornell 2 / 19  
Jan 2, 2010   #2
This was a really interesting essay!
It seems a bit long though and you suddenly use you and we in the third paragraph.
I think you can cut your dialogue introduction shorter so you get to the point quicker. Maybe take out the last four lines? They seem unnecessary.

The whole thing is wordy and redundant sometimes. Maybe you're trying to be redundant to make a point? I wasn't sure.

Other than that, I thought it was humorous and answers the prompt thoroughly. It's very memorable because of the topic too.

Good luck!

If you could look at mine, that'd be great!
Spelbound2010 1 / 6  
Jan 2, 2010   #3
this essay is interesting and a really good read, a few mispelled/misplaced words in the middle and end of the essay. strong finish though! Please revise and make necessary changes. overall, this is a beautiful essay. Good luck!!!
marpals 5 / 20  
Jan 2, 2010   #4
Second last line: I am ____ little boy. - may be "that"
Well you could do one thing.. Follow only one structure throughout.. either first person or third. That might be an easy read for others and rythmic too. Otherwise it was a flawless essay.

Gud luck with your app!!

Home / Undergraduate / "REACHING FOR MY DREAMS" - Why motivates you to go to Rice