I wasn't exactly sure how to wrap everything together nicely. But I'd also like it if you guys can provide me with some feedback.
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employments, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement
Eyes wide open as my heart beats from an overwhelming feeling of excitement. I steadily grasped the plaque with both hands firmly, while the thoughts continue racing through my mind with no intentions of stopping. "This indescribable feeling of accomplishment must be what's making me feel so worked up," I thought to myself; however, not once could I have foreseen that this entire experience would spark such an interest for leading and managing. By taking over numerous leadership positions and reaching the rank of Eagle Scout, I was able to use it as a stepping-stone, making it clear that business administration was the one and only career choice for me.
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I ended up revising it a bit
Eyes wide open as my heart beats from an overwhelming feeling of excitement. I steadily grasped the plaque with both hands firmly, while the thoughts of actually finishing continued to race through my mind with no intentions of stopping. "This indescribable feeling of accomplishment must be what's making me feel so worked up," I thought to myself; however, not once could I have foreseen that this entire experience would spark such an interest for leading and managing. By taking over numerous leadership positions and reaching the rank of Eagle Scout, I was able to use this life-changing event as a stepping-stone, making it clear that business administration was the one and only career choice for me.
Over the course of four years, I diligently worked my way up and came to the realization that my favorite position was one that gave me the opportunity to mentor others. I remember vividly, the shiny pearly white grin on my badge counselor as I told my squad to chant the phrase "Troop 1-2-7!" Despite our lack in size at Camp Oljato, the amount of energy expressed through our actions made up for the numbers and for that we won the award "Most Inspirational Troop!" From that moment, I knew exactly how strong their desire was to make themselves known. By being there as guidance, I was capable of explaining how commitment was the number one issue for those who tried reaching the highest rank. I was always searching for ways to improve my team's management system, and would hold private conferences with my troop leader to check up on the progress of my actions. The knowledge obtained from the training, opened my eyes to the importance of a well-structured system and how essential it is to find someone who is truly passionate about their work. A CEO is nothing without the support of a motivated team, who acts as the backbone for all operations. Given the chance to indulge into my studies, I always found myself questioning how different companies with similar determination were able to reach the same goal, although their strategies were never exactly identical. The answers became more clear to me as my fascination led me into investigating well-known companies such as Microsoft and Apple.
Without a doubt, I needed to further my understanding with a different approach of hands-on experience. The summer leading up to my second year in college, I decided to volunteer at QTA tutoring, an after-school program that helps boost student's confidence by strengthening their weaknesses in all school subjects. Within two months of shadowing, I was officially hired and was so eager to test my interpersonal skills. I knew this was one of the best decisions I had ever made, because dealing with children provided me with a completely different perspective of management. Not everyone is going to be mature and cooperative, just like the very active younger students I had the pleasure working with tend to have a harder time listening to instructions. This opportunity gave me a different insight on having to supervise particular types of people, because instead of identifying their issues, I first had to figure out my own mistakes and ways to better my method of organization.
With the constant struggle of trying to find answers within the intriguing subject of management, I knew that becoming a businessman was my only disclosure. Deep within, the experiences with leadership and continuous interest in management made me realize the passion I had for business administration.
Andrew, you don't need to play out a scene for us from your past. In fact, doing that shortened the possibility of your properly discussing how your interest in business management developed. Delete the dialogue parts and discuss, in great detail, the way that you climbed the Eagle Scouts rank and how you relate it to being an effective business leader. Remember, you need to show a clear connection between your past interests and volunteer work with your intended major. That said, the following paragraph should not be included in the essay because it does not relate to the prompt:
Without a doubt,...
Discuss instead the lessons you learned from your experience as an Eagle Scout and how it relates to your intended major. You already started to do that with your CEO paragraph. Just build upon that in order to better adhere to the prompt.
