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What Reaching the Top of Four Classes Taught Me - UC Essay Prompt #2


MissNutrition 1 / -  
Nov 28, 2010   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are.

In high school, the majority of students have preconceived notions about their classes. Common thoughts about history, for example, sound similar to this: "You just hear about kings who fought in battles and later have to memorize a multitude of dates." However, I knew that each class I was in, was meant to prepare me to find a calling in life and to enrich my knowledge of the world to be an actively contributing citizen. Paying more attention in the classroom led to continued dedication at home to grasp the material. Each moment of stress over a confusing matter paid off when I received five academic awards. From that memorable day, I learned that I am capable of rising above both attitudes and grades through belief in myself by delving into unfamiliar grounds, not paying attention to so-called established doctrines about schoolwork and teachers, and from seeking help, no matter how frequently I am lost.

I entered the gymnasium in November 2009 to attend the Undergraduate Awards. This special event is through invitation only, for students who have earned at least a 4.0 G.P.A. in the previous semester, for me, the second semester of my Sophomore year. I found a seat close to the stage to avoid a long walk up the middle isle way, mainly because I told myself that those who deserved to make a long trip were the ones who had the highest grade point averages and received higher awards such as college scholarships in advance. Upon hearing my name called I squeezed my way past my row and quickly walked to the stage. As I reached the academic counselor holding his hand out to shake mine, I noticed that my counselor was still announcing what I had earned. He handed me four extra awards, which meant that I had been at the top of four out of six classes. Feeling shocked is an understatement to my disbelief. I was ranked number one in English, Church History, World History and Cultures, and Geometry. 'How is this possible?' I thought to myself and I examined each award to assure that they did not belong to another student. Until I stood proudly before my classmates, I never imagined that staying up an extra hour memorizing literary terms, or studying early in the library would be sufficient to deserve recognition amongst my peers and teachers. Only a year and half prior to the event, I opened my freshman report card to be mentally flooded by feelings of hopelessness for a triumphant future, stemming from particularly low grades. Receiving such high honors also proved to myself that placing added effort, especially in math, by coming before class to ask my teacher questions and spending hours on the weekends to precisely understand the lesson with my older brother, was worthy of the satisfaction I felt in class. The satisfaction came from being up to date with my teacher's pace and from knowing exactly how to correct my mistakes on previous homework assignments, quizzes, and tests. Recognizing why I had performed a problem incorrectly soon became an enlightening experience and left me wanting to advance in the chapter. As a Christian, I had a desire to reject the stereotype that non-Catholic students would never understand the faith was well as believers that were active in their faith.

I am proud to say that from an early age and solely through self-motivation, I found the maturity to forbid myself from repeating the mistakes I had once made the year before. Not only did I surpass the scores of my classmates, but I developed a genuine interest to pay attention to details in a variety of aspects, according to each class. Because I won these awards, I am now a risk taker and have a stronger drive to delve into both academic and social areas that I may not be fully proficient in, such as politics and supporting a friend who is having problems with his or her own peers or family. While my beliefs about how a student performs a multitude of tasks, such as using techniques to memorize terms or formulas, may not be conventional, finding alternatives that are tailored to their abilities is also acceptable.

This is my first draft so any changes whatsoever will be useful, especially since the application deadline is only 2 days away!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 3, 2010   #2
... at least a 4.0 G.P.A. ---Wow, high standards!

Too many words in this sentence:
...developed a genuine interest to pay attention to in details in a variety of aspects, according to of each class.

Same thing here...below when your sentence is long, try to get rid of some words. Don't let the reader's attention be so taxed that she cannot get the feeling your writing is supposed to convey.

Because I won these awards, I am now a risk taker and have a stronger drive to delve into both academic and social areas that in which I may not be fully proficient, such as politics and supporting a friend who is having problems with his or her own peers or family.

You seem like a great person! For you, I recommend Dream and Reality by Berdyaev.
:-)


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