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We want to read about what makes you special. Tell us something about yourself


Can someone correct my grammar and vocabulary of this essay

Tell us a story!


We want you to tell us more about yourself. What is your background? What are your interests, passions, and hobbies? What is it like you are from? What do you want to do in the future? Tell us anything that will help us to know you more!

We want to read about what makes you special.


When I was little, I spend afternoons teaching my toys, between stuffed animals and dolls any lesson I could think at that moment. I used a board and markers for each class. "Sir Bear, have you understood the lesson?" Everyone looked me with a smile. "Ok. That´s all for today´s class. Do not forget your homework". Therefore, each class was once a week during all my free time in elementary school, to teach my dear students became a ritual that I had to fulfill without fair. It was afternoons of showing drawings and songs. Soon my younger cousins joined the class and started the noise, but as the teacher I had to manage these situations sometimes.

Creating posters, flashcards and preparing my speech for each class served me to discover something inside me that I did not think I had , this is that I really enjoy share my ideas and things that I had learned before with others. Learning to speak in front of my toys and practicing my intonation for every class over time helped me for oral presentations at school and public talking.

I have lived all my life in Peru, in a small but cozy city called Arequipa. My interests are learning more about the world is around me, know new cultures and visit other places. I would like to improve my studies of English in the USA and learn some tools for teaching the language in my hometown. I believe that education in my country should improve and soon.

Living in Arequipa is like living in a small city surrounded by three volcanoes, also have a variety of tourist places and landscapes. The city distinguished by having beautiful views of green landscapes and nature, which offers great opportunities for day excursions. We have wide-ranging food options; in general, Peru has some tasty meals waiting for all. Walking through the city center takes you back a few centuries ago because there are impressive colonial and historical buildings.

Some years ago, I visited an elementary school where children of low income usually attend; I planned with a group of friends to make a schedule for teaching the children on weekends or after school. Fortunately, this activity was a success and we could teach the children during one year. We used to teach to read and write to kids of five years old and some literature and history lessons to older children. The experience was enriching in all aspects. I would have liked to teach English lessons but I needed to improve my English skills by this time. That´s one of the reasons that make me work hard for improving my English.

Usually in my free time, I am fond of reading of books, ranging from fiction to historical publications. The last three years I accomplished as a personal goal to read three books per month for the entire year. In addition to this, recently I find that writing is other of my biggest passions. I feel that reading improves my language and composition skills.

One of my greatest interests is art, I like to appreciate, learn and practice many forms of expression of art I could. Since taking Visual Arts in high school, in my free time I used to draw landscapes and take photographs from the historical and touristic places of my city.

@vcerpasalas
There are some issues with comma usage. For example,
After the invasion of Poland in 1939

,


With the invasion of the Soviet Union in 1941

,



Living conditions in the cramped ghettos was were appalling,

Hope it helps
Feb 15, 2017   #3
Valeria, the essay can use some improvement. For starters, the anecdote that you shared at the beginning is not really believable. When a tale that you tell showcases you playing with your toys in a classroom, that shows a high imagination, but now an actual ambition. The story better suits that representation is the one in the middle of the essay where you have yourself working with a group to teach the underprivileged children. That is more along the lines of a believable presentation regarding how you got started on your ambition to become an educator. It also merges well with the rest of the essay. The story from your childhood does not work as well in presenting your development as a person. It would be best if you integrate information from that childhood story into the one that you did with the group instead. It sounds way more convincing that way.
When I was little, I spend afternoons teaching my toys, => When I was little, I spent afternoons teaching my toys,

I agree with Holt's comment that the story should be joined with the other story, though it demonstrates your passion I found it a rather weak start.

Living in Arequipais like living in a small city surrounded by three volcanoes => I googled Arequipa and I think the city is indeed small and surrounded by volcanoes. I am not sure if a simile is required here. This comment is just a suggestion as I am also a novice.
Hi @vcerpasalas!

In my opinion, there we some errors with the use of comma. Also, please observe proper grammar. You're last paragraph doesnt seem to provide a conclusion or a strong ending to your essay.


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