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What do you want the readers of your application to know about you?


gwenvine 1 / -  
Dec 25, 2018   #1

the Common application essay



The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores? Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel obligated to do so. (The application won't accept a response shorter than 250 words.)

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.


In elementary school, I was the girl that couldn't do anything well. I had attended boarding school since I was in kindergarten, so my childhood was filled with insecurity and homesickness. These inadequacies affected my studies everyday. Stress caused sickness, and I, went to see the doctor every month. The only thing that made me happy during my childhood was going home in on the weekends. My life at that time was chaotic and aimless. As a child, my only dream was to be happy.

In sixth grade, something happened change my life. In the beginning of the semester, our physical education teacher taught us how to swim. Many of my classmate already knew how to swim, but I certainly didn't. I was usually the slowest runner in my PE class. When our teacher whistled, all the students jumped into the water, and I was the only one to stay on the ground. I felt scared looking at the swimming pool since the pool was deeper than my height. But my teacher became frustrated with me as he always did, and surprisingly, picked me up and threw me into the water. I struggled furiously, and swallowed a lot of water. My teacher jumped into the water and saved me when he realized I truly couldn't swim.

I felt shame and embarrassment. After that, I begin to think about why I always couldn't do well at anything, and if I should I make a change. Something triggered deep inside of me. On that weekend, I went home and told my mom that I wanted to take swimming lessons. Back at school, I began to try my best to finish every task. A month later, I became the top student in my class. I also ran second place in the PE class. Then I realized, I was not that bad. The only problem was my attitude. My former self was lazy, and never willing to do anything. But I could do something well if I wanted to. I learned that it felt good to do well in something.

From then on I told myself that I should be a successful person. This idea has been with me until now. I don't give up and take every chance to make myself better. Also, I learned to be hardworking. The swimming experience made me interested in sports, and this made me healthier. I don't have to see the doctor every month like when I was young. As a teenager, I continue to take part in many other sports, but I always was fond of swimming.

When I began to do well at school, I became a little arrogant. But when I found my friends distancing away from me, I learned that no one would remain friends with me if I had a negative attitude, even though I had good grades. Now I always empathize with others rather than being proud, and I restrain myself from showing anger even when others have a bad temper.

I realized that after I began improving at school, I was no longer homesick. I no longer blamed my parents for sending me to boarding school. Living apart from family forced me to quickly take care of myself and learn necessary life skills at a very young age. The experience that I had studying and living with other people gave me an original view of the world and a unique personality. I am thankful for the hardships I've had because they have raised me, made me stronger, and more focused on achieving my goals. No one who knows me now would believe I was the insecure girl from my past. However, I alway remember who I used to be, and always tell myself to move forward.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Dec 26, 2018   #2
Fuzi, I do not feel that the prompt you chose is appropriate for the essay that you wrote. I am mostly not convinced that this is the right prompt choice for you because you are being asked to speak of only one event, realization, or accomplishment. You were supposed to pick one of the 3 to discuss in the essay. That is why the focus of this essay seems to be all over the place, without a real focal point. I believe that your essay would be better suited to the following prompt instead:

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

From the way that I read the essay, I clearly saw that you had to overcome an obstacle in the course of your life. The obstacle was yourself and your lack of belief in your own abilities. This is why you faced several setbacks and failures throughout most of your academic life. However, you learned how to overcome your obstacle by challenging yourself and thus, allowing you to learn several lessons over time. This is, I feel, the perfect prompt for the essay that you wrote. I hope you consider my suggestion.


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