Reading glasses; UW Madison; Something gone unnoticed

Hello! I am applying to UW Madison and my prompt was "Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you." It is to be between 300 and 500 words. Here is my essay:

Over 400 people were lined up in the early, muggy Nicaraguan morning at a local elementary school like they were waiting for the doors to open at Wal-Mart for the Black Friday sale. They were buzzing with excitement because today was the day. They were going to get the glasses they needed and deserved. People of all ages were there. Mothers brought their young children and men helped their elderly parents find a chair while they waited in line.

The crowd was sorted by sending them to one of three places after an initial eye test. The first was home because they were lucky and had good eyes. The second was to the autorefractor and prescription lens room. The third was to the reading room, where I was stationed.

Working in the reading room I saw the power of a pair of glasses. It was impossible to miss. Seeing people's faces as they read the tiny print in their beloved bible, or as they threaded a needle without the help of someone with younger eyes was miraculous. As they read or threaded, their smiles would grow until their whole face was beaming. Their faces gleamed with pride as they showed their friends or family their new glasses. I didn't see one person walk out the door without a grin on their face. Thinking about it still makes me smile.

I had never thought about how easy it was to get glasses until I met people who didn't have that opportunity. A simple trip to the optometrist's office and a week or two wait until they arrived is hardly a chore. During the two weeks I spent in Nicaragua, I learned that it is really a luxury we often overlook. I met people there who had never seen a doctor, let alone an eye doctor. When they received their glasses they were unquestionably grateful. It was a beautiful thing, and seeing it has helped me become more grateful for the wonderful opportunities I have and the simple things, like eyeglasses, that I had overlooked.

Any revisions, comments or ideas would be greatly appreciated! Thank You.

Wow! This is a particularly well-written essay. You are able to convey a story that has both meaning and is, in and of itself, interesting. There were just some phrasing issues I saw in the third paragraph, but, other than that, it was superb:

Working in the reading room, I saw the power of a pair of glasses. It bestowed to me a sense that I was both as appreciative as a child can be and amazed in a way that I am not sure I can explain: the sense of sight. It was impossible to miss. Seeing people's faces as they read the tiny print in their beloved bible, or as they threaded a needle without the help of someone with younger eyes another set of eyes was miraculous. As they read or threaded, their smiles would grow until their whole face was beaming. Their faces gleamed with pride as they showed their friends or family their new glasses. I didn't see one person walk out the door without a grin on their face:, and such joy is what brings a smile to my face.Thinking about it still makes me smile .

Hope that helped! Also, I hope you are able to read through my essays and tell me what you think about them!

Agree.... it's well written and difficult to find any miss for us to comment on .... LOL :D
A few suggestions;


.... better specify what glasses to make it more clear to the reader.


Mothers were bringing their young kids, men were helping their elderly parents find a chair while they were waiting in line.


.... this one sounds a bit confusing about what you really try to mean. Are you talking about the contrast between privileged and underprivileged. Better rephrase this one to convey your thoughts better.