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'Reading is my guilty pleasure' - Upenn Introduce yourself

yusra12 6 / 24  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
so i REALLY need help choosing between these two. Theyre nowhere nearrr being complete. Also editing whichever one you think is better would be great

Prompt:Optional short essay: introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.(150 words)

Version 1:
Reading is my guilty pleasure. When I crack open a book, whether it be on a crowded train or while I sit cozily a couch in my living room, it never fails to transport me to a different reality. As an anonymous character once said "Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book". Reading is my parallel universe-at times even superior to my dreams. Through a book I get to witness first-hand the trials of Harry Potter, converse with Gatsby about his love for Daisy, and enjoy the wonders of Narnia. I can climb Mount Everest, see the view from the Eifel tower, and get lost in New York City.

120/150 words
Version 2:
A typical morning for me begins with a simple but grueling task: running. While some days I find it impossible to leave the warmth and comfort of my own bed, I am usually out of the door in a few minutes time. My routine is never the same; sometimes I'll take a light jog around my neighborhood. Other times, I will run like a raving bear is after me, expending all my energy. When I need motivation, my iPod is there with upbeat tunes, pushing me to go even father. Whether I'm strolling through the neighborhood or increasing my endurance, running jump starts my morning and I always wind up at my front porch: Right in time to begin my typical school day.

123/150 words
maryp630 7 / 20  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
I really like the first one better. It is like something I would write. I would say add more to fill up to 150 characters. Hope this helps.
silentspring 12 / 58  
Dec 31, 2011   #3
I like the first one too. The ending is cute.
DrunkLurker 4 / 18  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
First essay is interesting, but it only provides desription for passion for books. Is that really the only thing you'd like to introduce about yourself?

Therefore, I think the second option is better, especially if you develop it further to fill the word limit.
Armaan M 2 / 16  
Dec 31, 2011   #5
I would recommend you fill the limits. 150 words is nothing and you should use all of it to speak about yourself
OP yusra12 6 / 24  
Dec 31, 2011   #6
Igor- I get what youre saying,but the second one seems really cliche now that i think about it. so ill just stick with the first one=]

Everyone else-thanks so much! Im short on the word limit,so is there anything i should add/change?
DrunkLurker 4 / 18  
Jan 1, 2012   #7
you can elaborate on how it affected your character, for instance.
xbloodystarx 2 / 2  
Jan 1, 2012   #8
I think the first one is better. its more insightful of who you are and your interest.
deremifri 9 / 137  
Jan 1, 2012   #9
I also like the first essay better, since it is more interesting.
However, as already mentioned, it does not tell enough about you.
You can cut out parts that are neither really about reading in itself nor about you
like "whether on a train or in a chair"
And fill out the word limit.

I will greatly appreciate feedback of my revised sadness essay.
omo5031 8 / 33  
Jan 1, 2012   #10
You should definately choose the first one, its really fluid and shows who you are. I think you should try use up,30 words is a lot to waste. You did a good job and good luck:)

Can you please check my essay
OP yusra12 6 / 24  
Jan 1, 2012   #11
Change of topic
So i wrote a completely different version. Please tell me whether you still prefer the first one over this!
Thanks in advance.

I have a fancy for writing letters. I cannot even begin to recall the first time I started writing letters. It may have alluded to passing notes in elementary school, or middle school. It may have simply been out of boredom, or because I had not seen a close friend in a long time. Whatever the reason may have been my habit of writing letters had begun. The classic act of simply folding a handwritten letter into an envelope, and sending it on a journey to its destination is an act that cannot be replaced by an email, text, or even a phone call. My letters are like fingerprints: never the same, each carries its own purpose, varying in the curves of my handwriting or different shades in my array of pens. [ending to be determined]
DrunkLurker 4 / 18  
Jan 2, 2012   #12
The way I see it, it shares the flaws with the first essay. It tells about your one passion but doesn't really describe you.

I think the following approach might help: imagine that you are standing in front of your new class, where nobody knows you. What would you tell them?

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