I am new to the essay forum and don't quite understand how this works. But I am willingly open to suggestions and feedbacks on my short essays for Stanford's supplement. You are welcome to critique as you please on my essay.
1. Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality; reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
I was technically a graduate high school student by 2010 (I took the GCE O levels examination on my secondary 4 and the certificate was sufficient to enter college) and I was prepared to enter the next stage of my life - college. I had been bragging to my friends and relatives, hoping they would pass the rumor of the youngest freshman at the age of 15 that they ever knew - freshmen we knew were at least 16 years old. I have always been the star in my junior high school, the prodigy girl who got promoted to Year 9 directly after her 7th Year, and yet managed to top her class. Everyone's favorite girl who always participated as a major role in every event, whose pictures were always up on the school's flyers and newsletters. I felt as if I owned my junior high school, it literally felt like my second home. It was a week after my examination, that my parents decided for me to continue senior years, in a new high school. I felt humiliated, what am I supposed to say to my friends when they expect me to be telling them stories as a first-year? Besides, they're moving me away from my 'home', I felt betrayed. Now that I look back, I couldn't help thinking of what a hyperbole reaction I had. If it weren't for my parents to move me into a new school, I wouldn't ever be able to open my eyes. I had been cocky - a cocky little toad enclosed in the deep well - as my father liked to say it. I was so content on my abilities in the well that I was limited and blinded of the outside world. When they removed the lid, I realized how far behind I was compared to the wild toads outside. They could jump higher when I thought I had the highest jump. I could understand my parent's choice now - that I wasn't ready for college life until I understood that there is always room for improvement. The past 2 years had been an intense self-reflection. I learnt not only in academics but to be a thorough, considerable person. It was a worthy stage in my life to prepare me for college life.
2. Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
Hi future roommate,
I'm not quite a person who likes to talk about herself, let alone brag. I do not self-judge, but instead am open to opinions. So instead of giving you a description of myself, why don't I take you to an insight of the room I grew up in.
Don't be shy, you're always welcomed into my suite, as I like to address my room. Notice how different the theme of my room is right as you stepped in? I designed the layout and colors myself. It was on purpose, I like being different. I do not try to fit into the society, but instead project my uniqueness. I hope you will accept me as I am. I'm not going to frighten you, trust me its lovely inside.
My furniture is flushed in white and my walls are covered in sky blue wallpaper. It reminds me of the infinite sky, the infinite hopes and dreams we are born with it. I believe in dreaming big, that there is no limit for one to dream as high as possible, the driving force to success.
My study desk is neatly tidied up, so are my bookshelves. I read a lot, science fiction romantic action novels. You may find me sitting by the windowpane reading, come join me, that is if you aren't acrophobic, cause I'm not, I love being on high places. It makes me feel somewhat Godly, to have a view of the neighborhood. It isn't so scary up here; it actually is a pretty view.
I think that's enough of mesmerizing the scenic view, come inside and I'll show you the way out, I hope you liked the environment in here. Yes you've spotted my collections at the corner. They are mini figure crafts I made. There's one of a café's entrance, bakery's kitchen, beach, and you can admire the rest. And on the second shelf are souvenirs my friends have been getting me. I value souvenirs a lot, they are symbols of friendship and I never want to lose them. I am looking forward to display one from you.
Thankyou for spending time reading this, looking forward for comments :)
Hi, some personal take. Please feel free to ignore my comments if you do not agree with it.
"I'm not quite a person who likes to talk about herself,"- perhaps changing to "I'm not someone who likes to talk about herself" would make it smoother, and aid the goal to work within the word limit as well? just a suggestion.
"So instead of describing myself, why not I furnish you with an insight of the room I grew up in." Would this improve the flow of the sentence?
I really like how you use a tour of your room to answer the second question. All the best! (:
