Hi, everybody! I'm Duong and I'm from Vietnam. I'm applying for Lehigh this year and this is my first draft for the 1st supplement:
Topic: What aspect of Lehigh most interests you?(150-250 words)
Although I have not had the chance to pay a visit to Lehigh, through the university's website, I believe that Lehigh is best suit to me. In the days when leadership and innovation play a crucial role in every society, I need to be able to express and develop my creative ideas and imaginations to make positive changes in the world. At my high school, I try to express myself in various ways: captain of my class's soccer team, co-founder and vice president of school's music club and active participant of Youth Day Vietnam. At Lehigh, I intend to major in Business and Economics and one of the aspects of Lehigh that interests me most is its diversity of entrepreneurship programs, internships and externships. Lehigh is proudly in the top 25 schools with the best entrepreneurship programs according to Princeton Review and Entrepreneur Magazine. There are many wonderful and helpful entrepreneurship courses for the undergraduates as well as the prestigious Eureka! Competition, the highly-acclaimed VENTURESeries, the International Undergraduate Workshops and the unique LehighSiliconValley "live cases". Engaging in real life business situations will provide me with in-depth knowledge, valuable expertise and hands-on experience. I always dream of visiting Silicon Valley-a hub of innovations and entrepreneurships, meeting famous inventors, CEOs or venture capitalists and working in the real situations with the real companies in the real life. I hope I would be a Lehigh freshman next year to make my dream come true.
Word count: 241
Could anyone give me some feedbacks? Thanks in advance
best suit=> best suited
Good luck with your application:D
The list of ways that you express yourself at your high school is not really necessary - it is unrelated to the prompt and sounds like you are trying to pump yourself up like a pufferfish and trying to make yourself look bigger. The same goes for the sentence before it about leadership and innovation, unless Lehigh students have shown these qualities to you, or some other way to connect it to Lehigh. The way your essay is now, it takes a long time to get to the aspect. The aspect that interests you is the part of your essay that interests the admissions officers, and should feature early.
Also, you say that the aspect that interests you is the school's ranking, but there are 24 other schools in the top 25. What about Lehigh makes it stand out from these schools? Why not apply to one of the other schools? A different choice of aspect would probably make for a stronger essay - for example, you mention the programs at Lehigh. These could focus more prominently as the aspect. Only a suggestion, of course, though.
Thank you! I really appreciate your feedbacks.
First I considered some specific programs at Lehigh to say, but then I feel vague about the word "aspect". I dont know whether choosing one particular program at Lehigh is off topic or not
The 'aspect,' if you wanted to talk about the programs, is the programs themselves, not each individual program. Talking about the programs available and why they interest you would be a good essay - it would tell the reader that you've researched Lehigh and have a good reason to go there instead of somewhere else.
