Hi everyone, I'm applying to Columbia University and I was wondering what you guys thought of my supplement essay.
The Essay subject is: 1. Please tell us something you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications, or cultural events.
The essay topic allows you to write about a movie you watched, so I wrote mine on the movie "Up." Feedbacks are much appreciated!
A grandpa who flies to a different continent on a house attached to helium balloons. It had no plausibility, no scientific proof, and certainly no regards to international airway transportation regulation. But it was enough to make me cry.
It features a grumpy grandpa named Carl Frederickson, overly eager boy-scout named Russell, and an anthropomorphic golden retriever named Doug. The unlikely cast of characters embarks on a journey that involves a floating house, a lost explorer, lots and lots of talking dogs, and a grape soda can. From the outside, the movie Up seems like any other movie, but from the inside, it is so much more than that.
One scene in the movie still tugs at my heartstring. To keep his promise with his deceased wife, Carl travels to Paradise Falls but it's not the same without his wife. When opening the Adventure book that he and his wife, Carl realizes that his adventure has always been next to him, that his life was an adventure.
I cried. Everything felt so right in that moment. The music in the background was just a simple chord repeated in different variations. However, the simplicity of the music complemented with Carl's poignant experience was enough to cut the metaphorical onion in front of my eyes.
Carl's realization was my realization. I didn't have to go look for an adventure because I can make my life to be an adventure. I don't need to go find my Paradise Falls because I can bring the Paradise Falls to me.
Revelation only happen in the most profound moment of one's life. Mine just happened to be a grandpa, a boy, and a talking dog.
Hi!
I think you should avoid using unformal words such us: cry and grandpa. There are also numerous technical words wich make your essay a little tough to understand.
Good luck!!!
This response is just playing off of a bunch of cliches. You found "Up" meaningful because it taught you that life is an adventure? You have to make this essay more personal; write less about the movie and more about you. What adventure were you searching for, and how has your need to pursue an adventure negatively affected your life?
One point that I find pertinent to make is that your essays seems more like a summary than a reflection. I would definitely try to incorporate diverse syntax considering Columbia is a very prestigious essay that will be looking for more than just simple sentences. Additionally, you need to revise the tense that you wrote this essay in because it varies from past to present tense.I have made some suggestions to your essay below.
A grandpa who flies to a different continent on a house attached to helium balloons. (This is not a complete sentence)
The premise had no plausibility, no scientific proof, and certainly no regards to international airway transportation regulation. (However) it was enough to make me cry.
"Up" an elderly man named Carl Frederickson, an overly eager boy-scout named Russell, and an anthropomorphic golden retriever named Doug. The unlikely cast of characters embarked on a journey that involved a floating house, a lost explorer, a multitude of talking dogs, and a grape soda can. From a general perspective (open for discussion but "from the outside" doesn't make sense) , the movie "Up" seems like any other movie, however, from an analytical perception , it represents so much more than that.
One scene in the movie still tugs at my heartstring. To keep his promise with his deceased wife, Carl travels to Paradise Falls but it's not the same without his wife. When opening the Adventure book that he and his wife, Carl realizes that his adventure has always been next to him, that his life was an adventure.
I cried. Everything felt so right in that moment. The music in the background was just a simple chord repeated in different variations. However, the simplicity of the music complemented with Carl's poignant experience was enough to cut the metaphorical onion in front of my eyes.
This whole paragraph is very awkward grammatically and doesn't really make sense. Look at Didgeridoo's response as I am not familiar with the movie.
Carl and I had the same realization . I do not have to go look for an adventure because I can create my own (the use of adventure in this paragraph is too redundant) . It is not necessary for me to search for my Paradise Falls, because I am capable of creating it for myself? (Very awkward).
Revelationshappen in the most profound moments of one's life. Mine just happened to be a grandpa, a boy, and a talking dog. (This is not a moment, these are characters.)
