It took me all of eighteen years to realize that it is my grandfather's influence that has molded me into what I am today. Though, I have been influenced by several people, my Grandfather has had the most significant impact in my growth and evolution as a human being.
The virtues that stand out most poignantly about my grandfather's character are dedication and self-sacrifice. He has never let anything, other than his fundamental principles, control his life. My grandfather has told me several stories of his childhood. His stories of pre-independent India have made me realize how valuable the gift of freedom is and the sacrifices our country had to undergo to achieve independence.
My grandfather used to live in a small town in Punjab and his school was shutdown by the British due to political reasons. Due to this, he was unable to attend school after the second grade. Even though these challenges lay in front of him, he managed to join a summer course where he learnt how to read and write English in only six months. I consider this incident as the greatest motivator because of the volume it speaks about the will and determination of a boy simply nine or ten years old whose zeal and enthusiasm drove him to overcome all odds.
One of my earliest recollections of my grandfather's elatedness was during the earthquakes that took place in Gujurat in 2001. After watching glimpses of the condition of the earthquake victims, my Grandfather felt the moral responsibility to contribute for the betterment of the victims. He donated almost all his clothes to the victims and kept the simplest ones for himself. I felt that my grandfather truly justified Mahatma Gandhi's words, 'Be the change you want to see in the world around you'.
My grandfather's teachings have inculcated a sense of self-belief, compassion and respect in me. They have taught me to voice my opinions if I find that injustice is being carried out. Most importantly, he has taught me how to differentiate not only between the wrong and the right but also between two right decisions and whether one of them can do much more good than the other. I will always endeavor to take all that he has taught me as the motivation to be all that I can in pursuit of my dreams.
Hello.
I am not a moderator, but I would love to help you.
I would say "It took me eighteen years to realize...", and get rid of "all of."
In the second sentence you capitalized "grandfather." I don't think it should be capitalized.
In the second sentence, you don't need a comma after "though."
In the sentence, "he managed to join a summer course where he learnt how..." You should say learned instead of learnt.
After "between the wrong and the right" <<< there should be a comma.
In the sentence, "can do much more good than the other"<<< you should say "much better than the other..."
Overall, I really enjoyed your essay. You had a lot of good vocabulary. Hope I helped!
Jenn
hey thanks a lot jenn i really appreciate your feedback and will surely take note of your corrections
No problem!
Though, I have been influenced by several people my Grandfather has had the most significant impact in my growth and evolution as a human being.
No comma after "people" (above)
Now, right after that sentence you should add the thesis statement, which tells the theme of the essay. The essay should be centered on a single idea.. that idea is what you reflected on (very well) in the last paragraph, but capture it in a single sentence, and put that sentence at the end of the intro paragraph.
hey kevin thanks for your feedback but i think that i should sum up my essay at the end rather than letting the reader know initially.
I thought that after reading the incidents about my grandfather the reader would relate to the significance of my grandfather in a much more detailed way than he would initially.
Anyway maybe i might be wrong but ill go with my instincts
thanks for your help though
Yes, the rule for powerful communication is: Say it, explain it, and then say it again. That way, the reader will have his or her attention aligned with your intended theme, rather than just letting the attention be led through a series of sentences with no discernible theme.
So, it helps to introduce the theme in the beginning.
However, the MOST important thing is for you to write according to YOUR vision for the essay. So, it is good for you to only make changes that feel right!
:)
