In 150 to 250 words, please write about why you are interested in applying to and attending Swarthmore
There are two reasons I plan on applying and attending Swarthmore. Both reasons entail the exciting concept of social science.
One, I love history. I love the story of humanity and its never ending complexity, the interaction between individuals is simply the definition of life. Its also my ticket to the past where people have lived lifetimes. Do you understand that billions upon billions of people have existed for the life we have today? More beautifully is the difference among peoples. I honestly see myself, for example, at Clothier hall, the intercultural center, conversing with students over there culture and histories. The have stories, anecdotes that fit into the big picture. I had a teacher tell me once that when you mix up a group of passionate intelligent and culturally ripe individuals you obtain a beautiful learning experience. This is why I want experience Swarthmore- the best way to embrace history is to be part of it. After being exposed to the cosmopolitan lifestyle I want to become a politician- not a politician inspired by only his upbringing, but a politician enlightened by the history of many different people.
Two, drama is imprinted in my soul, particularly the device of Improvisational theater. When I act I level myself with my partner- strip their bodies of every conceivable detail and experiment humanity with them in every scene. As opposed to bronxites I've never improvised with people of other communities. Yet, just like political debate and historical discourse drama is dance with the thoughts of anyone. I want to go to Swarthmore to learn about humanity
quite a few grammatical errors i.e (I love the story of humanity and its never ending complexity,; the interaction between individuals is simply the definition of life. , It' s also my ticket to the past where people have lived lifetimes. , I honestly see myself, for example, at Clothier hall, the intercultural center, conversing with students over theretheir culture and histories , They have stories, anecdotes... , etc.)
try not to use rhetorical questions in your essay
Stylistically, I feel that the essay doesn't really flow well at all. In part, I feel that this is due to the many grammatical errors that plague your essay. I urge you to review over this essay, especially with your English teacher, to get all those errors fixed. Also, your essay kind of jumps all over the place in that you just jump from one topic to the next - you begin talking about the interaction of people, then you talk about the number of people living, then you talk about the differences between people, but with no real connection between them. Also, they already know implicitly that you want to attend Swarthmore by the simple act of applying to the college, so statements such as "I want to..." are redundant.
To be blunt, I feel that the essay needs a lot of work. Not only does the essay lack a sense of mechanical understanding, but I also feel that the content of your essay is weak, and that you don't really reveal anything unique about why you'd be interested in attending Swarthmore, what they have to offer you, and most importantly, what you have to provide for them. Swarthmore is quite a competitive liberal arts college, and I feel that you would increase your odds by putting a lot more thought and effort into the essay.
Sorry if all this seems harsh, but I truly think there is a difference in level between your essay and Swarthmore, being a top 10 LAC.
Best of luck and hope this helps!
- There are two reasons why I plan on applying and attending Swarthmore.
- Both reasons entail thean exciting concept of social science.
- For one , I love history.
- Did you understandknow that billions
- More beautifully is the difference among peoples.( I don't understand this statement at all )
- I honestly see myself, for example, at the Clothier hall,
- the intercultural center, conversing with students overabout there
- culture and historieshistory .
- They have stories, anecdotes that fit into the big picture.
- I had a teacher tellwho told me once that,
- This is why I want to experience Swarthmore-
- TwoNext reason is having drama is imprintedembedded in my soul,
- my partner- strip( what is a "partner - strip"?) their bodies of every conceivable detail
- and experimentexperience humanity with them in every scene.
- As opposed to bronxites ( I'm not sure if this is how you should formally regard the people from the Bronx)
- YetHowever , just like a political debate
- and historical discourse, drama is a dance with the thoughts of anyoneideas of life .
- I want to go tobelieve Swarthmore will enable me to learn more about humanity
There you have it Franky, I hope my remarks and corrections helped.
There is still a lot of work to be done and it will give you a lot of confidence in your essay if you will be able to
practice and come up with an insightful one.
Thank you aikoashiya for your feedback it was really helpful!! Thank you for your honestly as well
Thank you justivy03 for your feedback, thanks for taking your time on this essay!!!
